


shit,,autocorrect

by jaxass, rosyasteria



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Aromantic Hela Odinson, Asexual Loki (Marvel), Asexual T'Challa (Marvel), Bisexual Clint Barton, Bisexual Eddie Brock, Bisexual Natasha Romanov, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Sam Wilson, Bisexual Stephen Strange, Bisexual Tony Stark, Demisexual Steve Rogers, F/F, Gay Bruce Banner, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Pietro Maximoff, Lesbian Brunnhilde | Valkyrie (Marvel), Lesbian Carol Danvers, Lesbian Wanda Maximoff, M/M, Multi, Non-binary Loki (Marvel), Pansexual Heimdall (Marvel), Pansexual T'Challa (Marvel), Pansexual Thor Odinson, Pansexual Wade Wilson, Trans Peter Parker, Trans Sam Wilson, eddie brock is a monsterfucker
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-07
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2019-11-13 02:18:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 22,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18022946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaxass/pseuds/jaxass, https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosyasteria/pseuds/rosyasteria
Summary: hawkAYE: fuckplayboy: ?hawkAYE: fuckfuckfuckplayboy: you got a boner didn't youhawkAYE: KnsejoandHDKESNEI





	1. boners and milkshakes

THE AVENGERS  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]

_ Monday, 5:09 AM _

**Banner** _is online_    
**playboy** _is online_  
**Banner:**  Tony? What are you doing up?   
**playboy:**  steve is asleep and he looks v cute   
**playboy:**  i needed photos   
**Banner:**  Okay?   
**playboy:**  why are you up   
**Banner:**  Couldn't sleep.   
**playboy:**  nightmares?   
**Banner:**  Mm.   
**lordofthunder** _is online_  
**lordofthunder:**  hello avengers!!!   
**playboy:**  morning thor   
**Banner:**  I need coffee.   
**Banner** _is offline_    
**lordofthunder:**  man of metal!! why are you up so early? are you studying for your engineering class?  
**playboy:**  pfft no. i drank a lot of coffee earlier and the caffeine kept me up  
**lordofthunder:**  that's not good :((   
**hawkAYE** _is online_  
**hawkAYE:**  everything hurts and i'm dying   
**scaryspider**   _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  don't be dramatic clint   
**playboy:**  goodmorning to you both too   
**lordofthunder:**  what is wrong with the man of the arrows??   
**hawkAYE:**  i broke my fuckin hearing aid and now i'll have to sign everything in my classes   
**scaryspider:**  dramatic bitch   
**hawkAYE:**  hey   
**hawkAYE:**  mr thanos won't understand anything and then he'll yell at me   
**playboy:**  isn't that silver-haired kid in ur classes tho? can't he just help you out?  
**hawkAYE:**  t o n y   
**scaryspider:**  silver haired kid??  
**lordofthunder:**  that is a fun hair colour!!   
**hawkAYE:**  it's no one   
**hawkAYE:**  ignore him  
**hawkAYE:**  he's high   
**playboy:**  i am not, thank you very much   
**Banner**   _is online_  
**lordofthunder:**  i do not understand the term 'high' :(  
**Banner:**  It can mean two things. 'High' as in very tall, or very high off the ground. Whereas another definition of 'high' would be someone on drugs, such as cocaine or marijuana.   
**lordofthunder:**  oh...thank you bruce!! :D   
**Banner:**  Of course.   
**playboy:**  clinty poo just tell them   
**hawkAYE:**  there's nothin to tell them old man   
**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  Oh god.   
**scaryspider:**  clint you want a ride to school?   
**hawkAYE:**  will it just be me?   
**scaryspider:**  no i'm picking up bucky and the maximoff twins   
**playboy:**  wink emoji   
**hawkAYE:**  then sure   
**lordofthunder:**  oh! bruce, would you also like a ride to school?   
**Banner:**  Uh  
**Banner:**  Actually yeah please, if you don't mind.    
**playboy:**  wink emoji x2  
**Banner:**  Stop.   
**playboy:**  wink emoji x3   
**Banner:**  Steve, sort out your boyfriend please.   
**capn:**  Wink emoji x4   
**Banner** _is offline_    
**scaryspider:**  imbeciles smh

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Monday, 7:59 AM _

**witchy**   _is online_  
**witchy:**  if my brother doesn't stop pining i'm going to kermit   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  omg what happened   
**witchy:**  fuck wrong chat   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  bitches nat and i are on our way   
**hawkAYE:**  you sure you don't want a ride sam?   
**cawcaw:**  aye i'm not crowing to school anyways   
**cawcaw:**  got my surgery today   
**cawcaw:**  going*   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ah yes, we're all crowing to school   
**cawcaw:**  fuck off   
**witchy:**  Pietro piss off   
**witchy:**  i know you're watching my phone   
**hawkAYE:**  ??   
**witchy:**  Pietro keeps looking over my shoulder to read the chat   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  so glad i don't have any siblings pwjsjwo  
**hawkAYE:**  buck we're here  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  yeeT   
**ilostsevenpounds**   _is offline_    
**hawkAYE:**  wanda, nat says she'll be there in ten minutes   
**witchy:**  okay, thanks Clint :)   
**hawkAYE** _is offline_  
**witchy**   _is offline_    
**cawcaw:**  cause i'm...all aloooooone   
**cawcaw**   _is offline_

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]

_ Monday, 8:31 AM _

**hawkAYE:**  tony help   
**playboy:**  yessum  
**playboy:**  what happened   
**hawkAYE:**  i can't hear jackshit right   
**hawkAYE:**  but bucky called shotgun so i'm in the backseat   
**hawkAYE:**  with the twins   
**playboy:**  wink emoji   
**hawkAYE:**  no you don't understand   
**hawkAYE:**  he's more or less s a t on my lap   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm having a bi crisis   
**playboy:**  why is he on ur lap??   
**hawkAYE:**  wanda brought her guitar and it's taking up most of the room   
**hawkAYE:**  he doesn't even seem to mind that his fucking hAND IS RESTING ON MY THIGH  
**playboy:**  you are in deep clinty poo  
**playboy:**  but i want you to answer me this   
**playboy:**  is your attraction just that?   
**hawkAYE:**  i don't get what you mean   
**playboy:**  do you like him because he's hot? or do you actually know him on a personal level?   
**hawkAYE:**  i  
**hawkAYE:**  i never thought of it like that   
**hawkAYE:**  i really do like him, but if he were to ever reject me i'd still want to be friends   
**playboy:**  then there's your answer   
**hawkAYE:**  fuck   
**playboy:**  ?   
**hawkAYE:**  fuckfuckfuck  
**playboy:**  you got a boner didn't you   
**hawkAYE:**  KnsejoandHDKESNEI

—

THE AVENGERS  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]

_ Monday, 8:46 AM _

**playboy:**  clint just got a boner   
**capn:**  Clint what?   
**lordofthunder:**  a boner?   
**Banner:**  The process of male arousal.   
**lordofthunder:**  o h   
**lordofthunder:**  why doesn't he just take care of it?  
**playboy:**  he's in a car full of people   
**playboy:**  including the object of his affections   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  T O N Y   
**capn:**  There's the man of the hour   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm going to curl into a ball and die   
**Banner:**  Wouldn't be able to until you took care of that there thing now would you?   
**playboy:**  o h   
**lordofthunder:**  o:   
**hawkAYE:**  bruce ;;  
**hawkAYE:**  i thought we were friends   
**capn:**  Wait, Thor are you driving?   
**lordofthunder:**  no no, bruce wanted coffee so we stopped at a little café   
**playboy:**  wink emoji   
**playboy:**  wait  
**playboy:**  brucie bear you had coffee earlier   
**Banner:**  There wasn't anymore left so I didn't.   
**hawkAYE:**  not to be a prude   
**hawkAYE:**  but can we please go back to my situation   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm pretty sure bucky /knows/ because he keeps looking at me and snickering   
**hawkAYE:**  i hate not having my hearing aids fuck   
**capn:**  Just breathe Clint   
**capn:**  It'll go away soon   
**hawkAYE:**  that's not helPING STEVE   
**capn:**  Then maybe you shouldn't have gotten a boner   
**capn**   _is offline_    
**playboy:**  that is my m a n right there   
**lordofthunder:**  i must go now, bruce is back :D   
**lordofthunder**   _is offline_    
**Banner:**  I guess I'll be going too.   
**Banner:**  Tony, I'll see you in chemistry.   
**Banner** _is offline_

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Monday, 8:58 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm fucking cackling   
**witchy:**  why are we talking in the groupchat? we're in the same car, james   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  cause i don't want ur brother to say anuthing   
**witchy:**  ??   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  clint's got a fuckin boner   
**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  i heard clint and boner and i'm here   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  FUCKING HELL WANDA DID YOU JUST LOOK OVER   
**witchy:**  i was making sure! :/  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  he looks like he's having a mental breakdown   
**witchy:**  i'm going to help him   
**cawcaw:** oya oya   
**witchy:**  not like that you feathery dick   
**cawcaw:**  bucky lemme know what she's doing man   
**ilostsevenpounds:** she's just put her phone on the seat   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  she says "hey clint, could u hold my jacket pls?"   
**ilostsevenpounds:** she throws her jacket over the do-da   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  pietro is fuckin confused man   
**cawcaw:**  this is exhilarating   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  k she's picking up her phone again   
**witchy:**  that's not all   
**cawcaw:**  ???   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  oh no   
**witchy:**   _@_ **hawkAYE**  
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  wanda you are a goddess to the earth   
**witchy:**  peitroshirtless.jpg  
**witchy:**  peitroafteraswim.jpg  
**hawkAYE:**  FUCK   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  IM-   
**cawcaw:**  rip in pepperonis clint

—

THE AVENGERS  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]

_ Monday, 9:12 AM _

**scaryspider:**  the next time clint pops a boner in my car i'm going to cut it off   
**Banner:**  I'm assuming he's gotten rid of it?   
**scaryspider:**  i pulled up to a burger place and told him to get out   
**capn:**  Natasha, that's not nice   
**scaryspider:**  it's so he can get rid of it, i'm not just going to leave him here   
**lordofthunder:**  bucky sent me the screenshots of the other chat   
**lordofthunder:**  i'm assuming the "silver-haired kid" refers to the speedy man, yes?   
**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  oh definitely   
**playboy:**  it's 100% pietro   
**Banner:**  I choked on my drink when Thor showed me the screenshots.   
**lordofthunder:**  can confirm, i was worried D:   
**playboy:**  wink emoji   
**Banner:**  Blocked.   
**scaryspider:**  i don't usually gossip because i'm a capable bisexual™  
**scaryspider:**  but clint is doing the walk of shame w a burger and a milkshake in his hand   
**lordofthunder:**  bruce just choked again D:   
**Banner:**  Jesus Christ.

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Monday, 9:27 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  CLINTS DOING THE WALK OF SHAME   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  I REPEAT   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  CLINT IS DOING THE WALK OF SHAME   
**cawcaw:**  i'm literally gonna burst a lung fucking hELL   
**witchy:**  i'm trying very hard not to laugh out loud but i can't help it   
**cawcaw:**  just do it wanda   
**scaryspider**   _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  i can't believe he got a burger and milkshake   
**witchy:**  maybe he felt bad for jacking off in their restrooms   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  WNA DA   
**scaryspider:**  that's fair have a nice day   
**cawcaw:**  i know we're bullying clint but i have my surgery in less than an hour and i'm kinda nervous   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  bitch   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  no need to be nervous cause you're literally fixing the one thing you hate about yourself   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  and i fuckin' admire that   
**scaryspider:**  sam you'll be fine   
**scaryspider:**  if you want, bucky and i can skip school to come with you?   
**cawcaw:**  you guys :')   
**cawcaw:**  also no don't do that, you're already late as it is   
**cawcaw:**  mr thanos is already whopping clint's ass, i don't want him to skin yours   
**witchy:**  if you would like, i could be your nurse?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  wink   
**witchy:**  blocked   
**witchy:**  i mean i could help nurse you back to health?   
**cawcaw:**  that would be great wanda   
**cawcaw:**  but only if i'm not interrupting family time or smth   
**witchy:**  no, no. pietro has been begging for me to get out of the house so he can have some "alone time" for awhile now   
**witchy:**  honestly he just needs to get laid   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm sure clint would be honoured   
**scaryspider:** clint volunteers   
**hawkAYE:**  are you,,,trying to volunteer me to have sex with pietro,,,for me??  
**scaryspider:**  someone has to do it   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm-

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Monday, 9:39 AM _

**lordofthunder:** brother, sister and non-binary sibling i need your advice   
**illuminati:**  what is it?   
**numerouno:**  i'm not here   
**missster:**  me neither bitchass   
**lordofthunder:**  the shorter version of the story is that i offered to drive bruce to school  
**missster:**  your long-term crush?   
**numerouno:**  the nerdy kid you like?   
**illuminati:**  Bruce? is he okay??  
**lordofthunder:**  yes yes that bruce   
**lordofthunder:**  and i do not know if he is okay or not   
**missster:**  as in mentally or   
**numerouno:**  i'm kind of intrigued because that banner boy is actually a sweetheart   
**lordofthunder:**  i saw some pretty nasty bruises on his ribs when he lifted his shirt to wipe away some coffee from the corner of his mouth  
**lordofthunder:**  and i'm just worried that maybe he is getting hurt?   
**missster:**  bullied?   
**lordofthunder:**  no no, he's not been bullied since metal man offered to break their bones   
**illuminati:** the correct word is 'threaten' Thor   
**illuminati:**  but maybe it is problems at home?   
**lordofthunder:**  oh, thank you heimdall   
**lordofthunder:**  but again, i'm not sure   
**lordofthunder:**  i really want him to be okay, but i don't want to ask in case i hit a nerve or something   
**numerouno:**  i'll beat them black and blue   
**numerouno:**  but as the responsible eldest   
**missster:**  actually heimdall is the eldest but go off i guess   
**illuminati:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
**numerouno:**  first of all, fuck you   
**numerouno:**  second of all, thor u should really wait until he feels comfortable to come talk to you   
**illuminati:**  how about you invite Bruce for dinner? and maybe to sleep over? i do not know if you are close, but if it is problems at home, we should help as much and as discreetly as possible   
**missster:**  idk bruce but i've heard good things from wade and eddie so i'd definitely did for him   
**numerouno:**  he's the reason i passed bio so ig i owe him   
**lordofthunder:**  hm   
**lordofthunder:**  okay, i will invite him to our house, but please do not make him feel embarrassed?   
**numerouno:**  or say anything abt your crush?   
**numerouno:**  got you little bro  
**lordofthunder:**  i shall message you his response later!!   
**lordofthunder**   _is offline_


	2. sweater gays

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hawkAYE: bucky i want you to rot in the lowest depths of hell   
> ilostsevenpounds: sweetie i'm already the ruler what more do u want

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Monday, 11:34 AM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_  
**cawcaw:**  none of you will ever understand the fear i just felt when my hospital door opened   
**cawcaw:**  and especially when motherfucking t'challa strolls in,   
**cawcaw:**  i think i'm shedding tears  
**cawcaw:**  he came to support me for my surgery and i'm???

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Monday, 4:12 PM _

**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  bucky i want you to rot in the lowest depths of hell   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sweetie i'm already the ruler what more do u want   
**witchy** _is online_    
**witchy:**  what's wrong?   
**hawkAYE:**  pietro   
**witchy:**  oh? did he finally take my suggestion?  
**scaryspider**   _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  what has bucky done this time   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm being serenaded by pietro   
**scaryspider:**  and you're on your phone?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  so rude smh  
**hawkAYE:**  nat. i'm deaf   
**scaryspider:**  ...  
**scaryspider:**  oh shit   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i didn't think he'd take up my uh,,,persuasion so soon skfhrj  
**hawkAYE:** what  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i maaaaay have   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  threatened him an iiiiiiinsty bit?  
**hawkAYE:**  for fuck sake bucky   
**witchy:**  just tell him to stop?   
**hawkAYE:**  i don't have the heart to   
**hawkAYE:**  and from the little that i can hear, it's beautiful   
**witchy:** gay   
**hawkAYE:**  you literally had your tongue down the head cheerleaders throat two days ago   
**witchy:**  i'm gonna call pietro and make him stop   
**hawkAYE:**  don't you fucking dare   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  so diverting from clint's   
**ilostsevenpounds:** _@_ **cawcaw**  wtf happened   
**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have opened this.   
**scaryspider:**  who the hell are you and why do you have sam's phone   
**cawcaw:**  My apologies Natasha. It's T'Challa, and Sam is still sleeping off the drugs from his operation.   
**scaryspider:**  t'challa? i'm sorry, shouldn't have snapped at you   
**cawcaw:**  It is quite alright.   
**hawkAYE:**  hey man   
**cawcaw:**  Hello Clint.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  not to be rude or anything big man, but why did u go to sam's surgery?   
**cawcaw:**  Ah, I heard that he was having his top-surgery and that no one would be able to attend as their attendance at school has depleted over the course of the few months. My attendance, however, is rather high so I figured I would go there to support him.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  that's-   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  that's actually really sweet of you   
**witchy:**  i think i just shed tears  
**cawcaw:**  I didn't mean to click on this groupchat, hence my apologies.   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm gonna leave so i can strain to listen to pietro's voice   
**hawkAYE**   _is offline_    
**witchy:**  whipped   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  dumbass gays   
**scaryspider:**  you're gay   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  yougotmethere.jpg

—

private chat   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Monday, 4:28 PM _

**lordofthunder:**  bruce? are you busy?

—

missed call   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

—

private chat   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Monday, 4:55 PM _

**illuminati:**  Thor? is Bruce able to make it?   
**illuminati:**  also, how is your practice going?   
**lordofthunder:**  ah, heimdall. im afraid i don't know if bruce can stay over, he's not answered my messages or calls.   
**lordofthunder:**  and my practice is going fine!!   
**illuminati:**  hm. could you send me his number? i'm going to try calling him.   
**lordofthunder:**  sure, it's ***********  
**illuminati:**  thank you

—

private chat   
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Monday, 5:03 PM _

**illuminati:**  Bruce? it's Heimdall, Thor's elder brother. i was messaging you to ask if you would like to join our family for dinner?   
**Banner**   _is online_    
**Banner:**  Oh shoot. Um,   
**Banner:**  Sure. I think I can get away for a few hours. Um..  
**Banner:**  Should I meet you?   
**illuminati:**  oh no, that won't be necessary, i can come pick you up.   
**Banner:**  Um, okay. My address is 45 ******* ****   
**illuminati:**  i'll be right there!

—

private chat  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Monday, 5:11 PM _

**Banner:**  I'm sorry for not answering Thor, um. Your brother invited me for dinner.   
**lordofthunder:**  ah, wonderful! i can come pick you up after practice!   
**Banner:**  That won't be necessary. Heimdall already offered.   
**lordofthunder:**  that's fine!! i'll be finished shortly, so feel free to make yourself at home.   
**Banner:**  Thank you. Have a good practice.

—

THE AVENGERS  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]

_ Monday, 5:37 PM _

**Banner:**  I cannot believe I am sat here with three Odinsons and none of them are Thor.   
**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  omg   
**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  Why are you at Thor's house  
**Banner:**  Heimdall invited me for dinner.   
**Banner:**  And well..Tony you know why.   
**playboy:**  god i would kill for you bruce   
**Banner:**  As much as I would love you to, please don't.   
**capn:**  Where's Thor?  
**Banner:**  He's on his way back now.   
**scaryspider** _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  not to interrupt an angel like bruce, but pietro is serenading clint still and i'm yet to stop laughing   
**playboy:**  clint doesn't have his hearing aids today   
**scaryspider:**  exactly.   
**Banner:**  Not going to lie, Pietro has a good voice.   
**scaryspider:** he does, but clint doesn't have the heart to tell him he can't hear anything   
**capn:**  Jesus Christ.   
**playboy:**  language   
**capn:**  Please forgot that already   
**playboy:**  never   
**playboy:**  <3

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Monday, 5:45 PM _

**numerouno:**   _@_ **missster**  get down here   
**missster**   _is online_    
**missster:**  i would but maui needs my attention   
**numerouno:**  get your ass here or so help me   
**missster:**  alright fine   
**missster:**  but maui is coming with me   
**lordofthunder** _is online_  
**lordofthunder:**  i'm sorry for taking so long! i'm at a traffic light now, but i'll be another ten minutes tops.   
**lordofthunder:**  please apologise to bruce for me!!   
**lordofthunder**   _is offline_    
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  Loki, can you bring down Scarlet? Bruce says he loves snakes and i think he would love to meet her.   
**missster:**  sure   
**missster**   _is offline_

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Monday, 5:56 PM _

**Banner:**  scarletisbreathtaking.jpg  
**playboy:**  bruce!! look at you.   
**Banner:**  I actually only sent you that to look at the snake.   
**playboy:**  oh, i know  
**playboy:**  but you look so precious with her   
**Banner:**  She's a sweetheart. I'm glad Loki brought her down.   
**playboy:**  how are they btw?   
**playboy:**  i haven't talked to them in awhile   
**Banner:**  They seem fine, says Eddie and Wade have been getting into a lot of fights for them.   
**playboy:**  smh those two   
**playboy:**  is thor home yet?   
**Banner:**  He actually just walked in.   
**playboy:**  tell him i say hi   
**Banner:**  God he looks great.   
**playboy:**  oh?   
**Banner:**  I didn't mean to send that. Sorry. Um, I have to go now, dinner is ready.   
**Banner:**  Do you think I could stay at yours tonight? I don't want to go home..   
**playboy:**  sure brucie   
**Banner:**  Thank you Tony.

—

private chat   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Monday, 6:12 PM _

**playboy:**  scarletisbreathtaking.jpg  
**playboy:** you're welcome

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Monday, 6:18 PM _

**numerouno:**  where did bitch boy go  
**missster:**  he got a boner  
**numerouno:**  no he didn't   
**illuminati:**  he did.   
**numerouno:**  jesus christ   
**missster:**  from what i could see it was that picture i took of bruce and scarlet   
**illuminati:**  he's in deep.

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Monday, 7:56 PM _

**Banner:**  Um, Tony.   
**playboy:**  yessum  
**Banner:**  Thor offered for me to stay here tonight, is that okay?   
**playboy:**  course it is, brucie   
**playboy:**  as long as you're somewhere safe   
**playboy:**  and more importantly, you feel safe   
**Bruce:**  I do.   
**Bruce:**  Thanks Tony.   
**Bruce:**  I love you.   
**playboy:**  gasp   
**playboy:**  i love you too brucie   
**playboy:**  sleep well!!

—

thorbruce bitches   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]

_ Monday: 8:03 PM _

**playboy:**  we're nearly there

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Monday, 10:34 PM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  sam!   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sammyyyy  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  how you feeling?   
**cawcaw:**  they're gone  
**cawcaw:**  they're actually gone   
**scaryspider:**  this is a big moment huh   
**cawcaw:**  i only wished you gays were with me   
**cawcaw:**  but t'challa made me feel great so ig it's okay   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°  
**cawcaw:**  fuck you   
**cawcaw:**  anyway, i just-  
**cawcaw:**  i wanna thank you all   
**cawcaw:**  for just supporting me   
**cawcaw:**  and ik he's not here but i wanna hug the fuck out of tony for paying for my surgery   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  sam!!   
**cawcaw:**  hey wanda   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  so t'challa huh   
**cawcaw:**  don't even try it james   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm just saying- a scumbag of an ex would n o t come comfort you during one of the most important moments in your life   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  personally i think he still likes you   
**cawcaw:**  he's straight dickhead   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  he might be,   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  or maybe he'd grown accustomed to the idea of not only you being a man, but you being his.   
**scaryspider:**  don't think i'm taking sides sam, but i kind of agree with bucky.   
**scaryspider:**  he didn't have to be there for your surgery. but he was. which means he wanted to be a part of your life; especially the big moments.   
**cawcaw:**  you're all hurting my head   
**cawcaw:**  i'll think about it in the morning  
**cawcaw:**  night   
**cawcaw**   _is offline_

—

private chat  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]

_ Monday, 10:55 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  don't hurt him again   
**purrfect:**  I assure you, Bucky. I will not make the same mistake twice.

—

private chat   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Monday, 11:05 PM _

**lordofthunder:**  brucewearingmysweater.jpg  
**lordofthunder:**  stark i'm crying he's beautiful   
**playboy:**  bcirowj   
**playboy:**  i'm saving that   
**lordofthunder:**  wait don't   
**lordofthunder:**  he does not know i took it D:   
**playboy:**  sorry big man   
**playboy:**  i need it for my friend photo album   
**playboy:**  anyways, you two have fun   
**playboy:**  but thor   
**lordofthunder:**  yes tony?   
**playboy:**  make him feel safe. or you know what will happen.   
**lordofthunder:**  of course   
**lordofthunder:**  goodnight tony!! :D  
**playboy:**  goodnight big man

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Monday, 11:55 PM _

**playboy:**  you ready?   
**woosh:**  Yes Tony.   
**woosh:**  Is Steve going to join us?   
**playboy:**  yeah, he's bringing someone too   
**woosh:**  Okay. I will see you in five minutes.   
**playboy:**  <3


	3. juliet roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> witchy: and i'm fine, just uh, i can hear pietro ranting and raving and he doesn't sound very happy w clint  
> witchy: it's all in sokovian too and i can't believe he's gonna kiss clint w that mouth smh  
> ilostsevenpounds: pietro has a potty mouth pass it on

private chat  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Tuesday, 3:45 AM _

**Banner** _is online_  
**Banner:**  Tony  
**Banner:**  Tony I know you're awake   
**playboy** _is online_    
**playboy:**  brucie? whats wrong?   
**playboy:**  do you need me to pick you up?   
**Banner:**  What  
**Banner:**  No   
**Banner:**  I just-   
**playboy:**  ?   
**Banner:**  I woke up and Thor is cuddling me   
**playboy:**  you  
**playboy:**  you woke me up because your man crush is cuddling you?   
**Banner:**  Yes!   
**Banner:**  I think I'm freaking out   
**playboy:**  i'm not trying to be that guy, but don't?? thor makes you feel safe doesn't he?   
**Banner:**  Well...yeah I guess he does.   
**playboy:**  see brucie. i told you he wouldn't hurt you   
**Banner:**  Mm, you're right   
**playboy:**  anything else i need to know? or can i go back to cuddling my man   
**Banner:**  Uh not that I can think of.   
**Banner:**  Oh, wait. I had another nightmare  
**playboy:**  you want to talk about it on call?   
**Banner:**  No. I don't want Thor to hear how fucked up I am   
**playboy:** he won't think that bruce,,  
**Banner:**  I know..  
**playboy:**  do you wanna talk about it here? then i can talk it through with you later?   
**Banner:**  If you don't mind...I know you're tired.   
**playboy:**  meh, it can wait   
**playboy:**  you're more important   
**playboy:**  so, how did it start?   
**Banner:**  Um, it started with me and Thor sat at the café we were at yesterday  
**Banner:**  And we were talking, laughing. You know, having a good time   
**playboy:**  sounds like the beginning of a wet dream  
**Banner:**  Tony.   
**playboy:**  sorry sorry   
**Banner:**  Okay, maybe it was. I don't know.   
**Banner:**  Then all of a sudden, dad was there and he started  
**Banner:**  Beating me and  
**Banner:**  Cursing and putting me down verbally   
**Banner:**  And Thor watched and he laughed and then joined in..  
**playboy:**  bruce,,  
**playboy:**  you know he would never do that right?   
**Banner:**  I know..or maybe I don't, but it's just the thought you know?   
**Banner:**  I'm so used to the nightmares about dear ol' dad, but seeing Thor   
**Banner:**  It hurt a lot more than it should   
**playboy:**  that's because you care so much for him, that's why it hurts  
**playboy:**  you know how the brain takes rejection as a physical blow?   
**Banner:**  Yes? Of course I know that.   
**playboy:**  that's what caring for someone is like, and in dreams when it seems like they are betraying you, or rejecting you, it hurts. it's more of an ache you can't get rid of.   
**Banner:**  I think I understand.   
**Banner:**  Because I care for Thor so greatly, it hurt to know that my head made up that image of him hurting me?   
**playboy:**  exactly. but it's not true   
**playboy:**  hell i'm even sure he'd punch ur dad right in the throat   
**Banner:**  ...  
**playboy:**  please don't tell me that turned you on   
**Banner:**  What? No. Well..  
**Banner:**  Not the thought of him punching my dad, that's more of a feeling of euphoria.   
**Banner:**  I guess it's the thought of him being so protective over me..  
**playboy:**  little brucie is growing up so fast!!   
**playboy:**  but bruce   
**Banner:**  Yeah Tony?  
**playboy:**  don't tell him anything unless you feel 109% comfortable   
**Banner:**  Why 109%?   
**playboy:**  the 9% is just for extra   
**Banner:**  Ah.   
**Banner:**  Okay Tony. I'll tell him when I'm ready..  
**Banner:**  I'm sorry I woke you up for this  
**playboy:**  it's no problem brucie   
**playboy:**  i like taking care of my friends :)   
**Banner:**  Say hi to Steve for me   
**playboy:**  steve?   
**playboy:**  oh ya i will   
**Banner:**  ??   
**playboy:**  sleep deprivation haha  
**Banner:**  Thank you Tony. Really.   
**playboy:**  anytime   
**Banner:**  I love you. Goodnight.   
**playboy:**  i love you too bruce   
**playboy:**  sleep well w thor ;;))   
**Banner**   _is offline_

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Tuesday, 7:33 AM _

**playboy** _added_   **cawcaw** _,_   **ilostsevenpounds**   _and 10 others to the chat_  
**playboy**   _changed the chat name to_  'FIGHT CLUB'  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  what is this shit   
**cawcaw:**  i'll do you one better; who is this shit   
**witchy:**  i'll do YOU one better; WHY IS THIS SHIT   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm shedding tears   
**cawcaw:**  i love my daughter :')   
**witchy:**  c:   
**furious** _is online_  
**hawkAYE** _is online_    
**furious:**  sister you are a  
**furious:**  how do you say?   
**hawkAYE:**  disappointment?   
**furious:**  yes  
**witchy:**  i could kick your ass brother   
**lordofthunder**   _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  good morning avengers + everyone else!!   
**furious:**  it is thor, yes?   
**lordofthunder:**  yes!!   
**furious:**  good morning  
**hawkAYE:**  hey man   
**playboy:**  thor how's bruce   
**lordofthunder:**  he's still sleeping  
**lordofthunder:**  angelsleepsinmybed.jpg  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  god i'd lay down my life for bruce banner   
**cawcaw:**  bitch me too the fuck   
**cawcaw:**  also  _@_ **playboy**  could u visit the hospital after school   
**playboy:**  sure sammy  
**cawcaw:**  no  
**purrfect**   _is online_    
**purrfect:**  Good morning.   
**cawcaw:**  skrrrrt   
**cawcaw**   _is offline_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  /:   
**furious:**  i do not quite get it?   
**hawkAYE:**  awkward tension piet  
**scaryspider**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  fuck it's the hot redhead   
**witchy:**  i mean   
**scaryspider:**  that's a mirror, darling  
**witchy:**  fheisnwi   
**scaryspider:**  anyway, who am i picking up for school   
**hawkAYE:**  'tash school starts at 9, can we wake up a little first   
**scaryspider:**  so you?   
**hawkAYE:**  yeah   
**scaryspider:**  buck?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ya pls   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  also i think wanda is dying   
**furious:**  how do you say? i can confirm?   
**playboy:**  i love the impact we have on pietro   
**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  Explain?   
**playboy:**  in the normal english language we wouldn't speak like that   
**playboy:**  yet here is a sokovian man, who's still grasping the concepts of another language, speaking like a gen z kid   
**furious:**  thank you, i think

—

private chat  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Tuesday, 7:39 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm gonna piss clint off   
**witchy:**  oh?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  just watch ;)

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Tuesday, 7:43 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  so clint, you got your hearing aids fixed yet?   
**furious:**  hearing aids?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  oh yeah, clint is deaf, he can't hear anything, so he has these little device thingies that help him hear   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  he broke his hearing aids yesterday   
**furious:**  oh?   
**hawkAYE:**  bucky.   
**furious:**  clint, you did not hear anything yesterday  
**hawkAYE:**  i  
**furious:**  you lied to me   
**playboy:**  ouch   
**hawkAYE:**  piet, i didn't wanna hurt your feelings  
**furious** _is offline_    
**hawkAYE:**  you happy buck?   
**hawkAYE** _is offline_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  okay that's not how i thought it would go   
**scaryspider:**  bucky i'll pick you up at half eight, be ready or i'm dragging your naked ass   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  why would i be naked   
**purrfect:**  Okay, I have to ask. Bucky, why is your username 'ilostsevenpounds'?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i lost seven pounds   
**capn:** Oh, how did you do it?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i had my fuckin arm ripped off   
**purrfect:**  I-  
**purrfect:**  I don't get it.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  you might wanna ask shuri for the reference  
**lordofthunder:**  OH!! i get it!!!!   
**playboy:**  congrats thor (:   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  also thanks stevie for joining me in that   
**capn:**  No problem. Tony, get ready I'm taking you to a café for breakfast  
**playboy:**  y'all straights heat that? sorry, i don't speak heterosexual   
**purrfect:**  I'm too PANicked to understand you   
**witchy:**  i'm cool, calm and collected  
**scaryspider:**  redheads are hot   
**witchy:**  i'm a gay mess   
**witchy:**  someone help me   
**cawcaw** _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  oh god you're all still here   
**purrfect:**  Sam, would you like me to come visit today? Or do you think you'll be okay on your own?   
**cawcaw:**  i'll be fine   
**cawcaw:**  didn't even need u during the surgery but thx for being there ig  
**playboy:**  wink emoji   
**capn:**  Wink emoji x2   
**playboy** _is offline_    
**capn**   _is offline_    
**purrfect:**  I see. My apologies.   
**witchy:**  t'challa you are my son and i love you  
**witchy:**  what the fuck  
**scaryspider:**  ?¿   
**witchy:**  clint is at my house   
**witchy:**  angrily signing through my window as i sit in the living room   
**witchy:**  clintisoutsidemywindow.jpg  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm-   
**witchy:**  he's yelling "wanda get ur brother" i'm yet to stop laughing   
**scaryspider:**  wanda could you please let him in   
**scaryspider:**  he's messaging me angrily at how he will "break through your vents and find your room"   
**witchy:**  oof   
**witchy:**  alright hold on

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Tuesday, 8:09 AM _

**lordofthunder:**  i am a gay mess someone please help me  
**numerouno** _is online_    
**numerouno:**  thunder thot what have i told u abt waking me up before ur at school   
**lordofthunder:**  i'm sorry sister but bruce is being very cute  
**missster**   _is online_    
**missster:**  why isn't he awake yet   
**lordofthunder:**  i don't have the heart to wake him  
**lordofthunder:**  he looks so peaceful   
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  Thor, he needs to be woken up, you have to be at school in an hour   
**lordofthunder:**  sigh   
**lordofthunder:**  okay,,  
**lordofthunder**   _is offline_

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Tuesday, 8:15 AM _

**Banner**   _is online_    
**Banner:**  what the hell did i just miss   
**playboy:**  brucie bear!!   
**purrfect:**  Good morning.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  a true angel walks among us   
**Banner:**  wh  
**Banner:**  What  
**Banner:**  that's what time it is??   
**Banner:**  shit   
**Banner** _is offline_    
**playboy:**  wink emoji   
**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  Tony get off your phone :c  
**playboy:**  i'm sorry love   
**playboy**   _is offline_    
**capn** _is offline_    
**purrfect:**   _@_ **cawcaw**  Can I visit you before school?   
**cawcaw** _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  uh

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Tuesday, 8:20 AM _

**cawcaw:**  what the fuck do i say????  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  shrug emoji   
**scaryspider:**  personally i think you should let him   
**scaryspider:**  gives you a chance to clear the air   
**cawcaw:**  hhhhhhh   
**cawcaw:**   _@_ **witchy**  what do u think   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  let him visit, what could be the harm?   
**cawcaw:**  he says things he won't regret etc   
**witchy:**  we both know that's not how your breakup happened :(   
**cawcaw:**  i  
**cawcaw:**  fine

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Tuesday, 8:23 AM _

**cawcaw:**  sure ig  
**purrfect:**  Great, I'll be there in five minutes.   
**purrfect**   _is offline_    
**cawcaw:**  wanda pls don't make me regret this   
**witchy:**  i know what i'm doing young padawan   
**scaryspider:**  buck i'm gonna set off now   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  kk  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  just beep when ur here   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  also i'm bringing cigarettes to school who wants some   
**hawkAYE** _is online_    
**hakwAYE:**  ugh me pls   
**witchy:**  not going well w pietro?   
**furious** _is online_    
**furious:**  he will not leave me by myself   
**witchy:**  piet i swear if i have to kick your ass i will   
**furious:**  it is him though sister   
**furious:**  i have a right to be angry   
**hawkAYE:**  how many times am i gonna have to say sorry  
**furious:**  you hurt my feelings  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  feelings are overrated lmao   
**hawkAYE:**  buck,,there's a time and a place   
**cawcaw**   _is offline_    
**furious:**  i am not speaking of petty arguments in a message full of people i do not wish to listen   
**furious** _is offline_    
**hawkAYE:**  for god sake   
**hawkAYE:**  buck, make it two packs   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  already on it sweet cheeks   
**hawkAYE** _is offline_  
**witchy:**  hissing through teeth noises   
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  are you okay Wanda?   
**witchy:**  heimdall!! there's my favourite pan!!   
**illuminati:**  yes hello   
**witchy:**  and i'm fine, just uh, i can hear pietro ranting and raving and he doesn't sound very happy w clint   
**witchy:**  it's all in sokovian too and i can't believe he's gonna kiss clint w that mouth smh  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  pietro has a potty mouth pass it on  
**witchy:**  oh god please let that not be my new vase  
**illuminati:**  i suppose i've joined at the wrong time?   
**witchy:**  no not really, just we're gonna be LATE FOR SCHOOL because of SOME PEOPLE   
**ilostsevenpounds:**   _@_ **hawkAYE**  do you still want a lift orrr  
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hakwAYE:**  nah i'll just walk   
**witchy:**  we literally live an hour away from school?   
**hawkAYE:**  shrug emoji   
**hawkAYE:**  thanks for letting me in your house wanda   
**hawkAYE**   _is offline_    
**witchy:**  i-   
**witchy:**  he just left   
**illuminati:**  sigh   
**illuminati:**  don't worry, i will go pick up Clint   
**illuminati**   **is offline**    
**ilostsevenpounds:**   _@_ **lordofthunder**  your brother is a god   
**lordofthunder** _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  he is,   
**lordofthunder:**  i'm sorry, we're all rushing to go to school  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  later skaters skdhrj  
**ilostsevenpounds**   _is offline_  
**Banner**   _is online_    
**Banner:**  I think I've got everything?   
**Banner:**  Thor, i folded your sweater and put it on your bed.   
**lordofthunder:**  hm? oh, you can keep it  
**Banner:**  What? No, I couldn't. It's yours.   
**lordofthunder:**  but now it is yours?   
**scaryspider** _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  just take the gift bruce   
**Banner:**  Um, thank you.   
**lordofthunder:**  where are you by the way?   
**Banner:**  Oh, um, I'm in Loki's room. They said they had some more snakes they wanted to show me and I got curious.   
**Banner:**  Sorry, I'll be down in a second.   
**lordofthunder:**  tell loki i am going to give them a ride to school please :)   
**Banner:**  Sure thing.   
**Banner**   _is offline_    
**lordofthunder** _is offline_

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Tuesday, 8:36 AM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  he brought me flowers   
**cawcaw:**  and a get well soon card   
**witchy:**  what type of flowers?   
**cawcaw:**  what?   
**cawcaw:**  why does that matter   
**witchy:**  i'm a curious lesbian   
**witchy:**  i wonder about gay men   
**witchy:**  so what flowers did he get you   
**cawcaw:**  i'm not sure   
**cawcaw:**  t'challa says they're juliet roses   
**cawcaw:**  they're very pretty   
**cawcaw:**  they're in weird ribbons too, like some are tied to others whereas some aren't. like mini bouquets within a large one   
**cawcaw:**  julietroses.jpg  
**witchy:**  OMDBAKABDJE   
**witchy:**  sam do you KNOW what those mean???   
**cawcaw:**  no? they're just flowers   
**witchy:**  well for one, they're extremely expensive (like five million dollars for a single one???)   
**witchy:**  and secondly the separate ribbons might symbolise a single rose, two roses etc   
**witchy:**  they all have different meanings   
**witchy:**  one rose is love at first sight   
**witchy:**  two roses is shared and deep love   
**witchy:**  three roses is "i love you"   
**witchy:**  etc etc   
**cawcaw:**  they're all grouped in threes,,  
**cawcaw:**  except the middle one, which is by itself   
**witchy:**  i'm going to sob omg this is beautiful   
**ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  he truly does want you back   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  now i'm not saying i'm right but   
**scaryspider** _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  bucky is right   
**scaryspider**   _is offline_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  exactly   
**cawcaw:**  he keeps looking at me like i'm the only thing on the planet   
**cawcaw:**  i-

—

private chat   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]

_ Tuesday, 8:46 AM _

**purrfect:**  Bucky? He is typing rapidly on his phone but I can see he is not in the larger groupchat.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  t'challa dude   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  you went all out   
**purrfect:**  Sorry? Oh, you mean the flowers? They're just a little thing I swung by to get. No big deal.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  that's not what wanda says. and she's a flower lesbian™  
**purrfect:**  Is he messaging you? I am getting quite nervous.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  dude, i won't tell you exactly what is going on in our private groupchat, but it is /all/ good things   
**purrfect:**  Oh thank God.   
**purrfect:**  Thank you for the idea, Bucky. I would never have thought of it.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i just want my best friend to be happy, and i know you can make him ten times happier than any other person   
**purrfect:**  Thank you for trusting me with him. I will not hurt him again.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  may i ask a question?   
**purrfect:**  Go for it.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  do you ever regret the way you treated him?   
**purrfect:**  It haunts my sleep every night.


	4. pussy fights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pussy: did that lil bitch just call me a pussy?  
> pussy: oh it's on you fucking parasite  
> missster: eddie no-

thorbruce bitches   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]

_ Tuesday, 11:37 AM _

**missster:**  i've literally not typed anything in any of the chats but thor has his arm wrapped around bruce rn   
**hawkAYE:**   _@_ **furious**  this could be us but u playin   
**furious**   _is online_  
**furious:** piss off   
**furious**   _is offline_

—

antagonists  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]

_ Tuesday, 1:12 PM _

**missster** _is online_  
**ASSassin**   _is online_  
**missster:** wade where tf is eddie   
**ASSassin:**  honestly idk but it's kinda worrying me   
**missster:** you're sitting with parker today right?   
**ASSassin:**  yh tryna get him to love me   
**ASSassin:**  unless you need me to come sit w you?   
**missster:**  no it's cool, i think thor might sit here but idk   
**ASSassin:**  i'll keep an eye out for eddie   
**pussy**   _is online_  
**pussy:**  oh hey   
**missster:**  dude where are you   
**pussy:**  i kinda started a fight w that new guy   
**pussy:**  what's his name?   
**ASSassin:** symbiote?   
**missster:**  that's his last name dumbass   
**missster:** his names venom   
**pussy:**  yeh him   
**pussy:**  so i was in a fight w him until we got caught so we made a run for it   
**pussy:**  i'm in one of the chemistry cabinets bc a teacher was coming   
**pussy:**  but the dumb thot locked it   
**ASSassin:**  you dumb bitch   
**ASSassin:**  hold on ed, i'll come get u   
**missster:**  wade stay where you are thot   
**missster:**  i'll get him   
**missster:**  you go get your man or smth   
**pussy:**  thanks lokes   
**missster:** don't make me leave you there

—

_ Tuesday, 1:23 PM _

**pussy:**  yeeT  
**missster:** we're sat right next to each other   
**missster:**  why   
**pussy:**  well, symbiote just walked in and it looks like he's looking for me  
**pussy:**  and i'm trying not to draw attention to myself   
**ASSassin** _is online_  
**ASSassin:**  what the fuck  
**pussy:**  did that lil bitch just call me a pussy?   
**pussy:**  oh it's on you fucking parasite   
**missster:**  eddie no-   
**pussy**   _is offline_

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Tuesday, 1:23 PM _

**hawkAYE:**  FIGHT IN THE CAFETERIA   
**cawcaw** _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  bitch who  
**hawkAYE:**  eddie brock and some other kid   
**hawkAYE:**  never seen him before   
**cawcaw:**  take a video   
**hawkAYE:**  who do u take me for   
**hawkAYE:**  of course imma take a video   
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  shouldn't you be getting teachers to take care of it?   
**playboy**   _is online_  
**playboy:**  you sweet summer child   
**ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  GO EDDIE MOTHERFUCKING BROCK   
**missster:** this has been a grave mistake   
**playboy:**  how tf did this even start   
**hawkAYE:**  sam ur missing a fight of a lifetime   
**cawcaw:**  :c   
**missster:**  venom called eddie a pussy bc they had a fight earlier but idk why   
**playboy:**  yikes   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  SHIT THANOS   
**hawkAYE** : ABORT   
**hawkAYE:**  LOKI GET EDDIE AND DOLLOW ME TO THR RVNT   
**hawkAYE:**  VENTS   
**missster:**  i've had enough of everything

—

_ Tuesday, 1:56 PM _

**scaryspider**   _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  grape juice is literally spitting us out   
**scaryspider:**  i think i can hear venom whimpering   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  idk babe he sounds like he's growling   
**scaryspider:**  yeah maybe   
**scaryspider:**   _@_ **missster**  did brock get away   
**missster** _is online_    
**missster:**  yeah   
**missster:**  we're in the vents and it's,,surprisingly spacious   
**missster:**  clint has a literal set up here, snacks and everything   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  i'm always prepared   
**hawkAYE:**  also we got tea abt the first fight they had   
**witchy:**  do spill   
**witchy:**  and quickly cause crusty grape could come out any second   
**hawkAYE:**  first fight started w venom saying smth about anne (eddie's ex whom he still likes i think??) and how she was a "pretentious whore"  
**missster:**  in my personal opinion, he's a jealous thot   
**scaryspider:**  he said that? about anne?   
**scaryspider**   _is offline_    
**witchy:**  oh no   
**witchy:**  nat's gone into the office   
**hawkAYE:**  tf was that noise   
**witchy:**  nat punched venom in the face and now thanos is yelling at her   
**witchy:**  later skaters he's coming sksksk  
**witchy**   _is offline_    
**missster:**  eddie's cackling i'm-  
**hawkAYE:**  jesus christ

—

antagonists  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]

_ Tuesday, 3:45 PM _

**ASSassin** _is online_    
**ASSassin:**  so venom is suspended for fighting wbu ed?   
**pussy** _is online_  
**pussy:**  i'm still in the vents lmao   
**pussy:**  clint, loki and i are watching heathers   
**ASSassin:**  >:( how dare u not invite me   
**pussy:**  you're welcome to   
**ASSassin:**  schools almost over anyway   
**ASSassin:**  besides, i got me a date tonight ;)

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Tuesday, 3:56 PM _

**witchy:**  okay where the FUCK is t'challa   
**playboy** _is online_  
**playboy:** _@_ **cawcaw**  i'm On my way!   
**playboy:**  fuck off autocorrect   
**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  okay tony, i'm in room 325   
**playboy:**  got it   
**playboy:**  uh   
**playboy** _added_   **woosh** _to the chat_    
**playboy:**  stephen can u drive me to the hospital pls   
**woosh:**  I suppose I don't have a choice.   
**witchy:**  nobody answered me :((   
**ilostsevenpounds** _is online_  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i haven't seen him all day  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sam?   
**cawcaw:**  gotta blast  
**cawcaw**   _is offline_

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Tuesday, 3:59 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  oya oya   
**witchy:**  i would die for this ship uwu

—

private chat   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]

_ Tuesday, 4:15 PM _

**purrfect:**  Bucky? May I ask you something?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sure man go ahead   
**purrfect:**  What was the extent of pain I caused Sam after I said those things?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  oh   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  um, well   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  idk if i can tell u   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  but i can tell u that he tried to act as tho it didn't hurt him   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  bc he saw it as being "feminine" or "girly"   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  he was never angry at you tho   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  he just hated himself because he couldn't be what you wanted him to be   
**purrfect:**  I didn't realise it'd hurt him that much..  
**purrfect:**  Of course I felt awful for the things I said, he just seemed so causal with it  
**purrfect:**  All he said was "I knew this was coming"   
**purrfect:**  I-   
**purrfect**   _is offline_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  fuck

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Tuesday, 4:22 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds**   _added_   **Banner**   _to the chat_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  oh fuck my life   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sorry bruce i didn't mean to add u   
**Banner**   _is online_    
**Banner:**  It's alright Bucky. I can just leave.   
**hawkAYE** _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  wait bruce can i talk to u?   
**hawkAYE:**  privately   
**Banner:**  Sure Clint.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  actually bruce aren't u friends w tchalla   
**Banner:**  I would consider us friends, yeah.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  then welcome to the group :)   
**Banner:**  Sam and T'Challa? Finally.

—

private chat   
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]

_ Tuesday, 4:38 PM _

**hawkAYE:**  so um   
**hawkAYE:**  ik you know i have a thing for pietro   
**hawkAYE:**  and you can just tell me to deal with my own shit by myself (i won't b offended)   
**hawkAYE:**  but i rlly wanna make it up to him for lying   
**hawkAYE:**  and idk how and i would rlly appreciate ur help   
**Banner:**  It's alright, Clint. Of course I'll help you.   
**hawkAYE:**  thank u bruce;;;   
**Banner:**  Now, tell me what's been going off and what your plans are to resolve it.

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Tuesday, 4:42 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds** _added_ **playboy**   _to the chat_  
**playboy:**  jdejfh another ship gc? bucky ur on a role   
**Banner:**  What do you mean another?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  we have a gc abt ships, like boats  
**Banner:**  You're-   
**Banner:**  You're both in a group chat to talk about...boats?   
**playboy:**  exactly that brucie   
**Banner:** I'm at a loss for words.   
**Banner:**  Anyway, I have to leave.   
**Banner** _is offline_    
**playboy:**  's this about anyway?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ur pretty close w tchalla right? being all rich buddies and shit   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:** james that's so rude omg   
**playboy:**  no, no he's not wrong   
**playboy:**  we were initially supposed to be friends for our father's' companies   
**playboy:**  and ig we just formed a good friendship   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i didn't ask ur life story kskdj

—

private chat  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Tuesday, 4:45 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  sorry :((

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Tuesday, 4:46 PM _

**playboy:**  so anyway, we're trying to get sam and t'challa back together?   
**witchy:**  yessum   
**playboy:**  awesome i'm in  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ju-  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  just like that?   
**playboy:**  oh yeah, when they broke up the first time i whooped t'challa's ass   
**playboy:**  and i've been waiting since   
**playboy:**  also he didn't go to school cause he was too busy taking care of sammy   
**witchy:**  i would die for t'challa  
**playboy:**  i wouldn't let you   
**witchy:**  tony stark holds my heart   
**playboy:**  i thought thor was the king of lesbains   
**witchy:**  WELL UR THE KING OF MY LESBIANISM OKAY TAKE IT   
**playboy:**  <3  
**playboy:**  aight so how we gon do this?   
**scaryspider**   _is online_  
**scaryspider:**  i have a plan   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sounds ominous  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm in

—

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]

_ Tuesday, 5:06PM _

**purrfect:**  Bucky.   
**ilostsevenpounds** _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  hey man   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  heard you didn't come to school today   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  you good?   
**purrfect:**  Yeah, I'm okay. Sam wouldn't stop gushing about the flowers.   
**ilostsevenpounds:** please tell me you have pictures   
**purrfect:**  I only have a few, but I've never seen him so happy.   
**purrfect:**  newandimprovedsam.jpg  
**purrfect:**  sleepysammy.jpg   
**purrfect:**  He fell asleep because the drugs were affecting his nights sleep.   
**purrfect:**  And I'm sure he doesn't remember this, but the moments leading up to him falling asleep, he said "thanks for being here 'Cha. I knew buck and nat couldn't, but you made it better" and I will assure you I cried.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm sobbing   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  don't you ever let him go man or i'm gonna whoop your ass   
**purrfect:**  If I can get him back, I'm going to marry him in the near future. I love him.   
**purrfect:**  He deserves the world and I'm going to make sure he gets it.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  there's no if  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  you'll get him back  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i assure you

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Tuesday, 5:12 PM _

**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  sam just gave me the biggest hug and i have never felt the urge to protect someone as much in my life   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  we stan a soft bird   
**cawcaw** _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  i could kick your asses   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sure you could bby  
**cawcaw:**  where'd tchalla go  
**playboy:**  ???   
**playboy:**  he left when i walked through the door   
**purrfect**   _is online_    
**purrfect:**  I left because you asked me to.   
**cawcaw:**  did i?   
**furious** _is online_  
**furious:**  CLINT LEAVE ME BY KYSELD YOU BITCH  
**capn**   _is online_  
**capn:**  I just had an aneurysm reading that sentence   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  I AM SUNGING TO YOU WHETEHE YOU LIEK IT OR JOT   
**hawkAYE:**  GET OFF UR PHKEN  
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  chaotic gays™

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Tuesday, 11:24 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  we have to tell them at some point   
**playboy:**  idk james it's a bit early   
**playboy:**  we don't even know if  
**playboy:**  whatever this is   
**playboy:**  will last   
**woosh:**  We will stay quiet a little longer, and if we eventually run out of excuses, we will come clean.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  okay   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ily all <3


	5. bruises and turtlenecks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> woosh: Steve, you needn't say much.  
> playboy: oh?  
> capn: Stephen ://  
> playboy: oh i have to see this

antagonists  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]

_ Wednesday, 2:48 AM _

**pussy** _is online_    
**pussy:**  wait   
**pussy:**  wade?????   
**ASSassin** _is online_    
**ASSassin:**  yessum   
**pussy:**  you had a date???   
**ASSassin:**  oh ya lol  
**pussy:**  um,,details??   
**ASSassin:**  oh right   
**ASSassin:**  well it wasn't parker :(   
**ASSassin:**  but some girl called vanessa asked if i'd like dinner w her so   
**ASSassin:**  obv i said yes cause like,,free food   
**pussy:**  don't you have a raging boner for peter tho  
**ASSassin:**  ya   
**ASSassin:**  but like,,,free food   
**missster**   _is online_  
**missster:**  please shut the fuck up   
**pussy:**  sorry your highness   
**missster:**  selfiekingflippingyouoff.jpg

—

thorbruce bitches   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]

_ Wednesday, 3:04 AM _

**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  https://youtu.be/DmHPhhJWNKI  
**playboy:**  it's bruce @ thor   
**playboy:**  i cannot get this out of my head   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  i'm crying tony what the fuck  
**scaryspider**   _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  please for the love of god go to fucking sleep   
**playboy:**  come @ me

—

_ Wednesday, 3:56 AM _

**playboy:**  NATASHA'S AT MY HOSHE WHAT TEH FUCK

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Wednesday, 6:12 AM _

**Banner** _is online_  
**Banner:**  The chat was suspiciously quiet during the night, did anyone die?   
**purrfect** _is online_  
**purrfect:**  Good morning, Bruce.   
**Banner:**  Morning T'Challa   
**purrfect:**  Did you sleep well?   
**Banner:**  Bold of you to assume I slept at all.   
**playboy** _is online_    
**lordofthunder**   _is online_  
**lordofthunder:**  excuse me but what   
**playboy:**  what the fuck did you just say   
**lordofthunder:**  banner are you okay???

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]   
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Wednesday, 6:15 AM _

**Banner:**  My dad came home really pissed last night.   
**playboy:**  brucie,,,   
**Banner:**  Um, do you have a spare turtleneck I could borrow?   
**playboy:** is it that bad?   
**Banner:**  Worse.   
**playboy:**  yeah i've got one,,i'm gonna come pick you up now   
**Banner:**  What? No please don't do that. Dad's still here...  
**playboy:**  bruce i'm gonna take care of you because you're my best friend (next to rhodey of course)   
**playboy:**  so i don't care whether your dad is there or not, if you're hurt i'm coming to help you   
**Banner:**  I..I'll wait for you outside..  
**Banner:**  If you insist on coming in the first place.   
**playboy:**  be there in 10 xoxo

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Wednesday, 6:23 AM _

**Banner:**  I'm okay, just lost track of time when doing an experiment.   
**lordofthunder:**  ,,,  
**lordofthunder:**  if you insist,,   
**ilostsevenpounds** _is online_  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  whores and whoresses   
**purrfect:**  Bucky, you seem rather chirpy.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  mans got ass last night boyssss   
**lordofthunder:**  bucky barnes! got ass!!   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  fuck yeah thunder dude   
**cawcaw**   _is online_  
**cawcaw:**  wow wish i could relate   
**purrfect:**  Ah  
**purrfect**   _is offline_  
**cawcaw:**  skrhej what? aren't i usually the one who does that   
**scaryspider**   _is online_  
**scaryspider:**  sam i'm gonna visit you after school and no you can't refuse   
**scaryspider:**  wanda's coming with me   
**cawcaw:**  yesss, my favourite lesbian and bisexual   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_  
**hawkAYE:**  sam :((   
**cawcaw:**  i said what i meant   
**hawkAYE:**  sad yeehaw   
**furious**   _is online_    
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  PEITRO WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU   
**furious:**  on a run sister, you know i do this every day?   
**witchy:**  it's,,,it's a meme piet,,  
**hawkAYE:** also _@_ **Banner**  are we still on for coffee after school?   
**Banner:**  Of course. My last class is math, so I'll wait for you on the bench next to the blossom tree.   
**hawkAYE:**  it's a date ;)   
**hawkAYE**   _is offline_  
**furious:**  i  
**lordofthunder:**  mm   
**lordofthunder:**  wanda would you like a lift to school?   
**witchy:**  omg yes pls   
**witchy:**  pietro too?   
**lordofthunder:**  pietro too c:   
**lordofthunder:**  i'll message you when i'm on my way   
**witchy:**  okay your highness

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]

_ Wednesday, 6:37 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  tones?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  where are you?   
**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  buck i'm sorry :((   
**playboy:**  brucie was having some uh  
**playboy:**  trouble with an outfit   
**playboy:**  so i went to help   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  fashion trouble huh   
**playboy:**  yeah,,  
**playboy:**  i'll be back soon   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm gonna call stevie to come pick me up because if bruce sees me it'll raise suspicion   
**playboy:**  okay :(   
**playboy:**  you can take one of my sweaters if you need to   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  already packed three xoxo

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Wednesday, 6:41 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**   _@_ **woosh**   _@_ **capn**  can one of you please come pick me up from tony's? bruce is on his way and i'm a nervous wreck   
**woosh**   _is online_    
**capn**   _is online_    
**woosh:**  I'll come pick you up.   
**capn:**  You sure, Stephen? I can do it if you need   
**woosh:**  No, it's alright. I was already passing Tony's anyway to go to the store. Bucky, I'll be five minutes.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  xoxo

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:09 AM _

**lordofthunder:**  wanda, i'm on my way :)   
**witchy:**  yeeT   
**witchy:**  pietro get ready   
**furious:**  fuck you   
**missster**   _is online_  
**missster:** thor u ignorant slut   
**missster:**  how dare u leave me   
**lordofthunder:**  you were taking forever :((   
**missster:**  excuse me-   
**lordofthunder:**  just ask heimdall to take you  
**playboy:**  loki really out here being the bottom every top needs   
**missster:**  i'm a fucking princess bitchass  
**missster:**  she/her today babey   
**missster:**  also  _@_ **scaryspider**  can i borrow your eyeliner   
**scaryspider** _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  sure?   
**playboy:**  oh?  
**missster:**  i'm finna look my motherfucking best today   
**missster:**  but thunder thot left me with lipgloss on my hand 'cause i was tryna find a good shade   
**scaryspider:**  thor how could you   
**lordofthunder:**  i'm sorry!!! :((

—

thorbruce bitches   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:13 AM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  so no one saw how jealous thor got when clint called coffee w bruce a date?   
**cawcaw:**  y'all sleep on the littlest things smh   
**missster**   _added_ **alcoholic** _to the chat_    
**alcoholic:**  bruce and thor? thank fuck.   
**scaryspider:**  oh? val is that you?   
**alcoholic:**  fuck yeah babey  
**witchy:**  hhh

—

private chat   
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]

 **scaryspider**   _added_   **alcoholic** _,_ **witchy** _and 2 others to the chat_  
**scaryspider**   _named the chat_  'let's go lesbians'   
**alcoholic:**  i approve already.   
**witchy:**  loki, i'm bringing you the best looking dress i have and it's gonna be a gift for u   
**missster:**  gasp   
**missster:**  really?   
**BOAM:**  this chat is beautiful   
**BOAM:**  also loki, i'll bring some of my skirts that i don't need anymore   
**missster:**  i-   
**missster:**  i love you all  
**scaryspider:**  i don't think i have anything currently for you lokes, but i'll bring the eyeliner and eyeshadow i have   
**witchy:**  w|w and nb solidarity   
**missster:**  heimdall is dropping me off so i'll be there soon :)   
**BOAM:**  loki i just saw your snapchat and it's beautiful   
**alcoholic:**  wait i don't have snapchat   
**BOAM:**  princesslokiwitheyeliner.jpg  
**alcoholic:**  i'd risk my life for you   
**missster:**  <33

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:45 AM _

**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  Tony Stark.   
**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  yes love?   
**capn:**  Don't "yes love" me. Have you seen Bucky's neck? It looks like he's been bitten into.   
**playboy:**  i got,,carried away? sorry :((   
**woosh** _is online_    
**woosh:**  Steve, you needn't say much.   
**playboy:**  oh?   
**capn:**  Stephen ://   
**playboy:**  oh i have to see this   
**playboy**   _is offline_

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Wednesday, 11:29 AM _

**scaryspider**   _added_   **alcoholic**   _and_   **BOAM**   _to the chat_  
**cawcaw** _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  ooo new people   
**cawcaw:**  i'm sam   
**alcoholic**   _is online_  
**alcoholic:**  i'm val and i'm a raging homosexual drunk   
**BOAM** _is online_  
**BOAM:**  so no one cares about mr thanos?   
**scaryspider:**  not really   
**BOAM:**  meh okay  
**BOAM:**  i'm carol, also,,a les,,,bean,,,   
**cawcaw:**  W|W solidarity   
**witchy** _is online_    
**witchy:**  sam i miss you and your feather jokes :((   
**cawcaw:**  you'll be seeing me soon wanda   
**witchy:**  i miss you okay damn   
**lordofthunder** _is online_  
**lordofthunder:**  valkyrie!!   
**alcoholic:**  thor!!   
**BOAM:**  this is thor? the king of lesbians? hm.   
**lordofthunder:**  do you not approve? i can always give up my royalty status   
**Banner**   _is online_  
**Banner:**  Thor she shouldn't intimidate you to do that. You'll always be the king of lesbians, whether one refuses to acknowledge it.   
**BOAM:**  well if it isn't bruce banner  
**Banner:**  Carol? Shit, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise it was you.   
**BOAM:**  it's alright :)  
**BOAM:**  wait, that's the thor you were talking about bruce?   
**Banner:**  Uh  
**BOAM:**  i approve of him being our leader   
**lordofthunder:**  i'm honoured :)   
**lordofthunder:**  also what does your user name stand for? i am very confused   
**BOAM:**  it means the blood of angry men   
**lordofthunder:**  ...  
**lordofthunder:**  wonDERFUL I LOVE IT   
**BOAM:**  we made the right choice electing him as our king   
**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  bruce just fell to sleep in bio and i feel really bad for him :((   
**lordofthunder:**  take him to the nurses office?   
**BOAM:**  actually i can take him to fury's office   
**BOAM:** he lets me nap there all the time   
**playboy:**  that's cause you're basically his daughter :/   
**BOAM:**  shut it mr anthony stark

—

antagonists  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]

_ Wednesday, 1:28 PM _

**pussy**   _is online_    
**pussy:**  so bucky barnes has a load of hickeys and bites on his neck and i've never wanted jesus to save him   
**ASSassin**   _is online_    
**ASSassin:**  jesus fucking CHRIST WHAT IS THAT   
**missster** _is online_  
**missster:** wade where tf are you  
**missster:**  i look hot as fuck and nobody's here to notice ;;   
**ASSassin:**  i'm sorryyyy   
**ASSassin:**  i'm w vanessa rn   
**pussy:**  you're not with parker? jesus wade who are u   
**ASSassin:**  actually i've got a real good view of peter's ass from here so i'm happy   
**missster:**  ed where are u i need my friends   
**pussy:**  i'm with anne, but she, dan and i can come sit with you?   
**missster:**  please do   
**ASSassin:**  STEPHEN STRANGE HAS SCRATCHES AND HICKEYS ALL OVER HIS BACK WHAT YJR FUCK   
**pussy:**  wade how in the fuck do you know taht   
**ASSassin:**  i just had gym w him   
**ASSassin:**  and he just walked out of the changing room whilst still putting on his shirt   
**ASSassin:** good view ngl   
**missster:**  i thought you were staring at peter   
**ASSassin:**  peter's doing extra gym   
**pussy:**  fair  
**pussy:**  wait do you think bucky and stephen got it on last night?   
**missster:**  would not surprise me tbh   
**ASSassin:**  i would ask but damn peter looks like a snacc   
**missster:**  aaaaand i'm out

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]

_ Wednesday, 1:37 PM _

**capn**   _is online_  
**capn:**  Where is Bruce?? I haven't seen him for hours   
**BOAM:**  he and thor skipped (thanks to fury) bc bruce wasn't doing well mentally   
**capn:**  I hope he's okay,,   
**playboy**   _is online_    
**playboy:**  bruce is what   
**playboy:**  where is he???   
**playboy:**   _@_ **lordofthunder**  WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY SON   
**lordofthunder** _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  sorry? oh um, bruce and i are at my house  
**Banner** _is online_  
**Banner:**  So this is why you're texting.   
**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  bruce? you okay buddy??   
**Banner:**  Um, yeah I guess.   
**Banner:**  ,,,  
**Banner:**  Actually no.   
**Banner:**  I guess I should tell you all, I mean,,we're all friends right?   
**cawcaw:**  of course   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  we're here for you bruce!!   
**Banner:**  Um, so. Lately I've been feeling really down? Like mentally.   
**Banner:**  And a few nights ago my dad came home, said his same homophobic, abusive shit to me etc  
**Banner:**  But I'd already been having a bad day so I kind of   
**Banner:**  Saw the only opening I'd ever get??   
**cawcaw:** bruce,,,   
**Banner:**  Hah. Yeah, pathetic right? I was going to off myself because I couldn't handle my shitty dad.   
**playboy:**  brucie you know that's not pathetic   
**Banner:**  Anyway, that's what's been going on. I basically don't see the reason to live.   
**capn:**  Bruce, if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here  
**Banner:**  Thanks Steve.   
**ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  bruce i would kill for you

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Wednesday, 1:42 PM _

**playboy:**  brucie? are you okay?   
**Banner:**  Thor keeps looking at me like I'm broken and it kind of hurts   
**playboy:**  are you sure he's looking at you like that? because he's messaging me rn asking if that's everything they need to know,,   
**Banner:**  I've already burdened them enough Tones, I'm not telling them about the stupid bruises I get.   
**playboy:**  they're not stupid bruce.   
**playboy:**  you don't have to tell everyone, maybe just thor and someone else?   
**Banner:**  I don't want to tell them Tony,,it'll just show how fucked up I actually am.   
**playboy:**  bruce,,,  
**Banner:**  Sigh.   
**Banner:**  You promise it'll make me feel better?   
**playboy:**  it'll definitely lift a weight off your shoulder   
**Banner:**  ,,,okay.

— 

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]

_ Wednesday, 1:45 PM _

**BOAM:**  bruce, would you like me to bring goose over?   
**Banner:**  As much as I would love that, Loki has let me use Scarlet as a "therapy animal" or something like that.   
**playboy:**  that's nice of her   
**Banner:**  Mm..   
**lordofthunder:**  bruce is there anything else you need to tell us?   
**Banner:**  Um..well I guess there's the physical abuse that kinda gets to me   
**lordofthunder:**  you get abused?   
**Banner:**  By my dad, yeah. But that doesn't matter, I've already said too much.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  thor has been typing for a few minutes mans gonna smack him up   
**Banner:**  He's still here so he won't.   
**Banner:**  Tony, can I stay with you tonight please?   
**playboy:**  of course brucie

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Wednesday, 4:16 PM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  so buck.   
**cawcaw:**  a very reliable source tells me you have some uh   
**cawcaw:**  hickeys on your neck   
**cawcaw:**  care to tell us about it?   
**ilostsevenpounds** _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  actually i'm good b   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  not ready to come out and say it yet   
**cawcaw:**  oh? that's aight then   
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  nat can you come pick me up please, i forgot bruce couldn't meet me today   
**cawcaw:**  she says okay just send her your location   
**hawkAYE:**  thanks xoxo   
**hawkAYE**   _is offline_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  how's the recovery sammy   
**cawcaw:**  it's good, still hurts a bit but y'know   
**cawcaw:**  um, has anyone heard from t'challa? he's been avoiding my messages and calls since yesterday  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i haven't talked to him but i'll ask around if you want?   
**cawcaw:**  please, i wanna know if i did something again

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Wednesday, 7:33 PM _

**numerouno:**  thunder thot where are u  
**lordofthunder**   _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  i need ice   
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  Thor? what's wrong?   
**lordofthunder:**  i may have done a terrible thing


	6. 50 condoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pussy: CLUNT BARTON JUST ATE AN ENTIRE ONION  
> ASSassin is online  
> ASSassin: what the FUCK  
> missster is online  
> missster: clint barton just what

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]

_ Wednesday, 7:42 PM _

**cawcaw:**  cha?   
**cawcaw:**  did i do something wrong?  
**purrfect** _is online_    
**purrfect:**  My deepest apologies, Samuel.   
**purrfect:**  I have not been able to inform you that I would be on a plane to Wakanda for the past few hours.   
**cawcaw:**  you're back in wakanda?   
**purrfect:**  Yes, my parents needed me to visit due to some issues regarding my coronation when I reach the age of twenty-one.   
**cawcaw:**  oh   
**purrfect:**  I'm so sorry I didn't message you about it.   
**cawcaw:**  you didn't have to   
**cawcaw:**  just wondered where you were   
**purrfect:**  Ah. Very well.   
**cawcaw:**  when will you be back?   
**purrfect:**  I assume in a few days, but with my parents, I do not know.   
**purrfect:**  Would you like me to bring you something back?   
**cawcaw:**  a will to love   
**cawcaw:**  live*  
**purrfect:**  Sam, your humour does concern me..   
**cawcaw:**  i am who i am babey

—

call transcript  
**Dr Banner**   _— > _ **Bruce Banner**

_ Wednesday, 7:58 PM _

"...Sir."   
( _mumbled_ ) "Is it Mr Thanos about the time we blew up the science lab? I'll pay for it, I swear."   
( _far away_ ) "Tony it's not Mr Thanos." ( _closer_ ) "Dad.."   
"Boy, you've got some explaining to do."   
( _shuffling_ ) "What do you mean sir?"   
"Don't play dumb with me boy." (pause) "You don't know how much I want to strangle that blond bitch of yours."   
"W-" ( _sharp inhale_ ) "What? Who?"   
( _mumbled_ ) "What's he talking about Bruce?"   
"Get home. Now."

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:03 PM _

**playboy**   _is online_  
**playboy:**  thor fucking odinson you get your norse god ass here right now or so help me frigga i will hunt you the fuck down  
**cawcaw:**  ooof tea   
**woosh** _is online_  
**woosh:**  Tony, calm down.   
**lordofthunder**   _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  what is it   
**playboy:**  what's up?   
**playboy:** WHATS UP?   
**playboy:**  YOU PUNCHED BRUCE'S DAD????   
**cawcaw:**  jesus-   
**ilostsevenpounds** _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  thor odinson please marry me   
**lordofthunder:**  he was abusing a friend  
**lordofthunder:**  you would have done the same, stark   
**playboy:**  you're not wrong but thor i hope u know that his dad just called   
**playboy:**  he's freaking out   
**playboy:**  i cannot believe you   
**playboy** _is offline_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  hissing through teeth noise   
**cawcaw:**  did we just witness tony stark angry??   
**lordofthunder** _is offline_  
**cawcaw:**  hissing through teeth noise x2   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  this will not be good

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:12 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  tones?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  are you okay?   
**playboy:**  i'm fine buck  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  see, ik you're lying but i don't think we've been dating long enough to ask   
**playboy:**  quality over quantity buck   
**playboy:**  it's just-   
**playboy:**  you could say i'm protective over bruce   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  tbh who isn't, but go on   
**playboy:**  true.   
**playboy:**  bruce's dad can get off on abusing his son and it pisses me off   
**playboy:**  and i just know now that he'll get a load of shit now that thor's done that   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i see   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  bruce is like ur little bro   
**playboy:**  exactly   
**playboy:**  i don't want him to go home but my dad comes back tonight   
**playboy:**  and we all know that's not good   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i would offer him a place here, my moms a sickeningly nice person   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  but he'd probably feel uncomfortable with a stranger offering him a place   
**playboy:**  that's true   
**playboy:**  he doesnr really spend time with anyone else   
**playboy:**  only thor, but no way am i letting him stay there   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  we'll think of something, doll  
**playboy:**  i hope so

—

private chat  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:19 PM _

**lordofthunder:**  bruce   
**lordofthunder:**  bruce i'm so sorry   
**lordofthunder:**  i don't even know what came over me   
**lordofthunder:**  i just wanted him to stop hurting you   
**lordofthunder:**  i was so angry   
**lordofthunder:**  and i know that does not give reason to forgive me, or excuse my actions   
**lordofthunder:**  i truly am sorry..

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:26 PM _

**numerouno:**  well?   
**lordofthunder:**  no reply   
**missster:**  i cannot believe you punched dr banner   
**lordofthunder:**  i was angry, loki   
**illuminati:**  that is still no excuse, Thor  
**lordofthunder:**  i know   
**lordofthunder:**  and i do regret it   
**lordofthunder:**  only not in the sense you think   
**illuminati:**  what do you regret?   
**lordofthunder:**  i regret that i hadn't stamped on him and broke bones   
**missster:**  hela stop laughing so loudly   
**numerouno:**  stfu you twig   
**numerouno:**  i'm with you for once, thunder thot   
**lordofthunder:**  i- good to know?  
**numerouno:**  elder scroll, how are we looking on charges?   
**illuminati:**  i'm trying to come up with other possibilities  
**illuminati:**  however we do have one thing in our favour   
**missster:**  what is it?   
**illuminati:**  the worst we could do is prison   
**lordofthunder:**  brother, how is that in our favour?   
**illuminati:**  you didn't let me finish   
**illuminati:**  the least we could do is pay the man   
**numerouno:**  which we could do bc we're loaded   
**illuminati:**  exactly   
**illuminati:**  if he decides to press charges, i'll assign myself to the case   
**missster:**  i say we do more and report him for child abuse  
**lordofthunder:**  no.   
**lordofthunder:**  he's already shaken and i don't what to upset him anymore   
**numerouno:**  little bitch over there has a point thot  
**numerouno:**  if we can get him in prison, bruce will be free of any hurt or torment  
**lordofthunder:**  what about living arrangements   
**numerouno:**  we could try asking the old man to "adopt" him formerly so he can stay here   
**missster:**  as if he'd adopt someone   
**illuminati:**  Loki, he adopted you   
**missster:**  when he had a heart**   
**numerouno:**  if not we'll get mom to do it   
**lordofthunder:**  ..  
**lordofthunder:**  we're not doing a thing unless we have bruce's full consent   
**illuminati:**  i think i can work with that

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:44 PM _

**cawcaw:**  turns out tchalla's back in wakanda   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  is that...a good thing?   
**cawcaw:**  idk   
**cawcaw:**  no ones gonna be able to visit me now   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  gasp   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  do you miss him??   
**cawcaw:**  idk ig  
**witchy** _is online_    
**witchy:**  i would die for t'challa   
**scaryspider** _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  i don't think he'd let you, but you could always try   
**hawkAYE** _is online_  
**hawkAYE:**  wanda are you home?   
**witchy:**  no? i'm visiting mom's grave   
**hawkAYE:**  ah, im sorry   
**witchy:**  it's aight   
**witchy:**  just catching her up on how gay pietro became   
**witchy:**  the usual   
**cawcaw:**  wanda come visit me after pls   
**witchy:**  i came by earlier   
**cawcaw:**  fine i'll just ask tony   
**witchy:**  bitch tf i'm on my way   
**witchy**   _is offline_    
**cawcaw:**  we stan a legend   
**hawkAYE**   _is offline_  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  brb gonna go message my mans   
**scaryspider:**  will you ever tell us who it is?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  maybe xoxo

—

private chat   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:56 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  hey sweetheart   
**woosh** _is online_    
**woosh:**  Is something wrong?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  am i not allowed to have contact with my boyfriend?   
**woosh:**  Alright then. What would you like to talk about?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  are u able to come over? or vice versa   
**woosh:**  I suppose I could make time, yes.   
**woosh:**  Are you alright?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  yah   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i just need some company   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  memories and shit   
**woosh:**  I'll be there in ten minutes. Leave the door unlocked.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  what a babe   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  mom's making hot cocoa, you want any  
**woosh:**  Sure love.   
**woosh:**  I shan't be too long.   
**woosh**   _is offline_

—

private chat   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Ashleigh Barnes [ **mom** ]

_ Wednesday, 8:58 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  stephen is coming over if that's okay?   
**mom:**  of course it is buck :-)   
**iloststevenpounds:**  can you maybe,,,make him some hot cocoa? pls   
**mom:**  it'll be ready soon   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  thx mom <33

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]

_ Wednesday, 10:23 PM _

**woosh**   _is online_    
**woosh:**  Tony? May I ask a favour.   
**playboy** _is online_  
**playboy:**  of course babe   
**playboy:**  what's up?   
**woosh:**  I...I would like to learn how to braid hair.   
**playboy:** oh?   
**woosh:**  I have seen how happy it makes Bucky...and I want to make him happy.   
**playboy:**  i-   
**playboy:**  i'm crying   
**playboy:**  babe,,,,  
**woosh:**  Will you teach me?  
**playboy:**  of course i will   
**woosh:**  Thank you, my love.   
**playboy:**  i love you   
**playboy:**  tell buck i love him as well <3   
**woosh:**  He says he loves you too, and also a lot of other things I will not repeat here as my phone is easily hacked.   
**woosh:**  But he cannot wait for us all to be together. In every kind of sense.   
**playboy:**  god i would die for you both + steve   
**woosh:**  I can assure you I would not let that happen.

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]

_ Thursday, 1:45 AM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**Banner**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  bruce, are you okay?  
**Banner:**  I think. My dad is passed out right now, so if I leave early he may not even think I came home.   
**Banner:**  I am, though, more concerned for Tony.   
**capn**   _is online_  
**capn:**  tonys whth ne   
**capn** _is offline_    
**Banner:**  ..  
**Banner:**  Nevermind. How are you, Sam?   
**cawcaw:**  fed up of hospital meals lol  
**cawcaw:**  and i miss being w people   
**Banner:**  I could come visit you, if you'd like.   
**cawcaw:**  nah it's okay, i'm being released on friday then coming back to school the next wednesday   
**Banner:**  I wish you a healthy recovery.   
**cawcaw:**  thanks man (:   
**purrfect**   _is online_  
**purrfect:**  Oh. Good afternoon.   
**cawcaw:**  it's night   
**Banner:**  T'Challa, how is Wakanda treating you?   
**purrfect:**  Like a prince.   
**cawcaw:**  i love how that's so easy for you to say   
**purrfect:**  It does irritate me sometimes.   
**Banner:**  Why's that?  
**purrfect:**  They treat me as though I am a god, when in reality I am only a person.   
**cawcaw:**  how noble of you   
**purrfect:**  I suppose.   
**purrfect:**  Sam, did they get your blood tests sorted? I remember it being a problem, hence you having to stay for a longer period of time.   
**cawcaw:**  yeah it's all good   
**cawcaw:**  it's so warm here and i wanna open the window but it hurts to move   
**Banner:**  Did Wanda leave already?   
**cawcaw:**  mhm, she left at like half eleven   
**woosh**   _is online_    
**woosh:**  May I ask why you are all awake?   
**woosh:**  My phone is on silent, but the notifications keep lighting up.   
**Banner:**  I apologise Stephen.   
**cawcaw:**  sorry wizzardo   
**purrfect:**  I think you all should go to sleep.   
**cawcaw:**  you're no fun   
**purrfect:**  Go to sleep, Samuel.   
**cawcaw:**  fine fine

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Thursday, 2:55 AM _

**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  Stephen? Buck? Are any of you awake?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'm up stevie   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  what's up?   
**capn:**  Tony's having some kind of nightmare but he won't wake up   
**capn:**  I  
**capn:**  I don't know what to do   
**capn:**  Can you both come over to help me?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i'll just get stephen up then we'll be right there   
**capn:**  Thank you

—

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]

_ Thursday, 4:57 AM _

**purrfect**   _is online_    
**purrfect:**  Sam, I have been informed I will be returning to the states on Friday afternoon, and I was wondering if maybe you could come visit me at the airport?   
**purrfect:**  You do not have to say yes, or reply at all for that matter, but I would really appreciate it if you did.   
**purrfect:**  Anyway, my apologies for possibly waking you.   
**purrfect:**  Sleep well, Samuel.

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]

_ Thursday, 10:34 AM _

**BOAM** _is online_    
**BOAM:**  i just set the motherfucking kitchen on fire sksbdksnd  
**alcoholic**   _is online_  
**alcoholic:**  oh shit you're gonna b in trouble   
**BOAM:**  it's mr coulson's classroom too   
**BOAM:**  if i ever get the disappointed look i quite literally think my life would be over   
**alcoholic:**  dw i'll come help you clean up   
**alcoholic** _is offline_    
**playboy**   _is online_    
**BOAM:**  stark i am a gay woman   
**playboy:**  i see that  
**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
**hawkAYE:**  should i get a tattoo   
**BOAM:**  you know i'm all for breaking the law but   
**playboy:**  you'd have to be 18 clint   
**hawkAYE:**  i'm 18 tomorrow   
**playboy:**  wait what   
**BOAM:**  oh shit   
**cawcaw** _is online_  
**cawcaw:**  you mean to tell me i've been one of your best friends for YEARS and i've never known your birthday???   
**hawkAYE:**  it's not that big of a deal,,?   
**playboy:**  nah fuck that   
**playboy:**  clint, as ur original best friend, my present to you will be a wholeass tattoo   
**hawkAYE:**  i  
**hawkAYE:**  thanks tony,,,,   
**hawkAYE:**  idk what to say   
**playboy:**  just let me be there   
**hawkAYE:**  i think i'll get it done saturday   
**BOAM:**  i'm so being there   
**BOAM:**  whoop val is here   
**BOAM** _is offline_    
**furious** _is online_    
**furious:**  has any body seen wanda   
**hawkAYE:**  not sure, sorry   
**furious:**  hm   
**furious** _is offline_

—

private chat   
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Thursday, 10:48 AM _

**furious:**  sister i must ask you   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  something up piet?   
**furious:**  no no   
**furious:**  um  
**furious:**  last night i woke up at home   
**witchy:**  okay??   
**furious:**  no  
**furious:**  i over worked myself and passed out at school   
**furious:**  not at home   
**witchy:**  oh   
**furious:**  how did i get home   
**witchy:**  maybe someone found you and gave you a ride?   
**furious:**  maybe  
**furious:**  i don't know   
**furious:**  i just think that it was weird

—

antagonists  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]

_ Thursday, 1:02 PM _

**pussy:**  CLUNT BARTON JUST ATE AN ENTIRE ONION   
**ASSassin**   _is online_  
**ASSassin:**  what the FUCK   
**missster** _is online_    
**missster:**  clint barton just what   
**pussy:**  HES STARING STARK IN THE EYE   
**pussy:**  WHAT IS HAPPENING   
**ASSassin:**  your bio class is wilde   
**pussy:**  idk what's going on but barton just said "you owe me 50 stark"   
**missster:**  was it a bet,,,  
**pussy:**  STARK JUST PULLED OUT A LOAD OF CONDOMS??????   
**missster:**  so clint is a disaster bi   
**pussy:**  excuse you?   
**pussy:**  i'm the one and ONLY disaster bi   
**ASSassin:**  so,,we're all just gonna ignore the fact that clint just ate an entire onion,,,as a bet,,,,for 50 condoms,,,in the middle of biology   
**missster:**  that is exactly what i'm going to do   
**missster:**  also ur both invited to the party we're throwing clint tomorrow at my house xoxo  
**pussy:**  epic   
**missster:**  i know not to remind you but-   
**missster:**  don't tell him   
**ASSassin:**  we got it lokes   
**missster:**  keep one eye open tonight   
**missster**   _is offline_    
**ASSassin:**  oh fuck

—

private chat   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Thursday, 1:26 PM _

**lordofthunder:**  i know you're avoiding me   
**lordofthunder:**  and i deserve it   
**lordofthunder:**  i'll leave you alone,   
**lordofthunder:**  i just wanted to say i'm sorry one last time

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]

_ Thursday, 3:12 PM _

**playboy** _kicked_ **hawkAYE** _from the chat_    
**playboy:**  right   
**playboy:**  lets get this party planned   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  mom says she'll pay for the food   
**alcoholic** _is online_    
**alcoholic:**  we stan   
**BOAM:**  i'd die for ashleigh barnes   
**woosh** _is online_    
**woosh:**  I agree.   
**witchy:**  o h ¿  
**playboy:**  so mrs barnes has got the food in order   
**playboy:**  we're throwing it at the odinsons, right?   
**missster:**  but of course   
**missster** _added_ **pussy**   _and_ **ASSassin** _to the chat_    
**pussy:**  alrrriiiight   
**pussy:**  so i'm thinking booze   
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  absolutely not.   
**playboy:**  we'll have sparkling cider  
**playboy** _kicked_ **illuminati**   _from the chat_    
**playboy:**  hahah   
**playboy:**  someone bring booze   
**playboy** _deleted two messages_    
**playboy**   _added_   **illuminati**   _to the chat_    
**cawcaw:**  what time will it start?   
**lordofthunder**   _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  i would suggest around 7?   
**missster:**  that way everyone can get some sleep (if needed) or to get ready   
**cawcaw:**  and t'challa gets back from wakanda at 4 so  
**ASSassin:**  wait can i invite someone   
**playboy:**  depends who  
**ASSassin:**  peter parker   
**playboy:**  ??? of course   
**playboy:**  he's my cousin sksks   
**ASSassin:** fuck  
**pussy:**  WPAHDGEKABEJ   
**capn**   _is online_    
**capn:**  buck's other mom offered to help ashleigh make brownies   
**playboy:**  i love fran and ashleigh   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  uwu i have the softest moms   
**Banner**   _is online_    
**Banner:**  does anyone have a place I can stay tomight   
**lordofthunder:**  ?? you can stay with me   
**playboy:**  don't you dare   
**playboy:**  brucie come to me

—

call transcript   
**Trisch Hospital** _— >_  **Thor Odinson**

_ Thursday, 5:34 PM _

"Hello?"   
"Good afternoon, sir. I have called to inform you that a Mr Bruce Banner has been taken into hospital for a dangerous injury."   
( _shuffling_ ) "What? I- I'm sorry. What happened? Is he seriously hurt? Is he okay?"   
"Mr Banner has a few several broken bones, one being a broken rib, terribly close to his lungs. You were his second emergency contact."   
"I'll be right there."   
"Goodbye sir."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so a few things:  
> \- 'ashleigh' and 'fran' are two friends of mine, i wanted to somehow write them into the story  
> \- ash and i are actually working together, she will be writing scenes between the chapters, so everything that happens outside the messenger app (if that makes sense? sorry if it doesn't)  
> \- my exams are done for now!! so i'll be writing a lot :)  
> \- thank y'alls so much for the nice comments, and for my new friend grey!!  
> \- and one more thing; the angst doesn't stop there i'm afraid :') (everyone will be happy soon, i promise)


	7. photoshoots and heels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> cawcaw: it won't work  
> pussy: what ever do you mean falcon  
> cawcaw: fuck off  
> pussy: i love you too

> FIGHT CLUB   
>  Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
>  Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
>  Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
>  T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
>  Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
>  Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
>  Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
>  Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
>  Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
>  Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
>  Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
>  Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
>  Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
>  Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
>  Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
>  Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
>  Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]

_ Thursday, 6:02 PM _

**lordofthunder**   _is online_    
**lordofthunder:**  party is off until further notice   
**cawcaw:**  something wrong?   
**lordofthunder:**  it's off   
**lordofthunder** _is offline_  
**cawcaw:**  i-  
**purrfect**   _is online_  
**purrfect:**  Is everything alright?   
**cawcaw:**  i think something went down? but idk   
**ilostsevenpounds** _is online_    
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sooo,,no head?   
**cawcaw:**  'fraid not man  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  meh it's gucci  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  means i can spend more time w my mans   
**purrfect:**  That reminds me, Bucky. Arjana says hello and hopes that you can visit her soon.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  of fuckin course im gonna visit her soon  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  just needa get a job and money so i can pay for the plane ticket   
**purrfect:**  That's..that's all you need?   
**purrfect:**  I will pay for you.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  what? nooooo don't you dare   
**purrfect:**  How does three weeks time sound?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  challa i swear-   
**cawcaw:**  what the fuck is happening   
**purrfect:**  And now Arjana is beaming like the sun. She expects to see you, Bucky.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i cannot believe-   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  sam come get ur man   
**cawcaw:**  what

—

private chat   
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Thursday, 6:34 PM _

**hawkAYE:**  piet please   
**hawkAYE:**  i just wanna talk   
**hawkAYE:**  and apologise   
**hawkAYE:**  i didn't want to hurt you, i really didn't   
**hawkAYE:**  i wanted so badly to hear you sing but i didn't stop you because i was afraid you'd get mad   
**furious** _is online_    
**furious:**  stop messaging me.   
**hawkAYE:**  pietro please   
**hawkAYE:**  at least let me apologise   
**hawkAYE:**  over coffee?   
**furious:**  no, clint.   
**hawkAYE:**  piet please  
**furious:**  no.   
**furious**   _muted the chat_  
**furious**   _is offline_    
**hawkAYE:**  goddamn it

—

call transcript   
**Thor Odinson**  —>  **Heimdall Odinson**

_ Thursday, 6:46 PM _

"Thor? Is everything okay?"   
"Bruce is in the hospital."   
"He's what? God-" ( _shuffling_ ) "I'm on my way-"   
"No. No, you can't-" ( _sigh_ ) "they won't let you."   
"Thor."   
"Heimdall, please. We must go through with the plan- I cannot- no, will not allow him to return home to that Hell hole."   
"As much as I agree, Thor, we have no jurisdiction. The only way we can go to court is with Bruce's consent."   
"Then I'll get it-"   
( _mumbled_ ) "Thunder bitch who are you talking to? Bruce is in danger with his life and you're on the phone?"  
"I apologise brother, but I have to go. I will inform you of any updates."   
"Alright Thor."

—

private chat   
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Thursday, 7:17 PM _

**hawkAYE:**  wanda?   
**witchy:**  yessum   
**hawkAYE:**  i don't suppose you have your brother's whereabouts do you?   
**witchy:**  i  
**witchy:**  i do  
**witchy:**  why?   
**hawkAYE:**  he still won't talk to me   
**witchy:**  that dumbass motherfuc-  
**witchy:**  he's at school still, practicing for some gym exam that's coming up   
 **witchy:** but clint   
**witchy:**  his pride is majorly hurt so just be careful   
**hawkAYE:**  thank you wanda   
**witchy:**  wait before u leave   
**hawkAYE:**  yeah?   
**witchy:**  did you have anything to do with pietro making his way home unconscious?   
**hawkAYE:**  um   
**hawkAYE:**  yeah,,i did   
**witchy:**  thought so, question   
**hawkAYE:**  shoot   
**witchy:**  how the hell did you manage that?   
**hawkAYE:**  i uh,  
**hawkAYE:**  i piggybacked him home,  
**witchy:**  thank you   
**witchy:**  that dumbass doesn't know when to stop overworking himself smh   
**witchy:**  now go  
**hawkAYE:**  thank you again wanda   
**hawkAYE**   _is offline_

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]

_ Thursday, 7:59 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  so 'm havin a bit of trouble   
**woosh** _is online_    
**woosh:**  Is everything okay?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i have an exam soon n the girls want me to wear fuckin high heels   
**capn**   _is online_  
**capn:**  Your dance requires heels?  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  ya   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  n i can't keep my balance for shit   
**woosh:**  I'm sure you will do fine. Just practice.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  thing is, exam is in like, a week   
**cawcaw:**  then you better get practicing bitchboy   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  was that nickname necessary   
**cawcaw:**  after the stunt you pulled? yes   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i already apologised like five times   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  want me to do it again?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  m sorry   
**cawcaw:**  whatever fuckface  
**capn:**  Buck where are you?   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  uh  
**ilostsevenpounds:**  dance studio   
**capn:**  I'm coming to pick you up   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  NO   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  i need to practice this  
**woosh:**  Here's a suggestion: ask some of the girls. I'm sure they're willing to help.   
**BOAM**   _is online_    
**witchy**   _is online_    
**BOAM:**  fuck yeah we'll help you buck   
**witchy:**  i'm already in heels just come pick me up and i'll teach you   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  god lesbians are so much better than trashy men   
**capn:**  I-  
**woosh:**  What.   
**ilostsevenpounds:**  wanda bby m on my way   
**ilostsevenpounds**   _is offline_    
**capn:**  Wanda can you please make sure he goes to sleep?   
**witchy:**  Of course Cap  
**BOAM:**  lmao where's tony   
**cawcaw:**  idk but i think i heard yelling from the reception when on my hourly walk   
**cawcaw:**  sounded a lot like an angry tony   
**cawcaw:**  actually thought i was gonna shit myself

—

private chat   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]

_ Thursday, 8:12 PM _

**woosh:**  We have to go to the hospital.   
**capn:**  God I hope Tony's okay   
**woosh:**  I'll come pick you up, love.   
**capn:**  Thanks darlin  
**woosh:**  I'll be there soon.

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]

_ Thursday, 8:15 PM _

**missster:**  sooo where's my dumbass brother?   
**pussy:**  he's not at home?   
**missster:**  lmao no   
**ASSassin** _is online_    
**ASSassin:**  guys guys guys   
**missster:**  what is it thot   
**ASSassin:**  i got peter's number   
**pussy:**  you did? well damn add him to the motherfucking chat then   
**ASSassin**   _added_   **porker**   _to the chat_    
**porker:**  wade what the fuck   
**missster:**  language little dude   
**porker:**  omg is that thor   
**missster:**  wade i hate him and i want him to die   
**ASSassin:**  peter that's loki   
**porker:**  omg i'm so sorry   
**porker:**  can i make you brownies to make up for it?   
**missster:**  wade if you lay one hand on this perfect boy and i'm throwing fists   
**ASSassin:**  someone's on their period   
**BOAM** _is online_    
**BOAM:**  don't you dare bring a natural cycle of life into this you fuvking heathen   
**porker:**  omg ms danvers i love you   
**ASSassin:**  i'm sorry i'm sorry   
**pussy:**  so this got entertaining fast   
**missster:**  seriously where the fuck is thor   
**missster:**  hela isn't home and i wanna wreak some havoc   
**pussy:**  i'm down to smoke weed   
**missster:**  i knew there was a reason you were my favourite ed   
**ASSassin:**  hey :(   
**porker:**  i'm your friend wade   
**ASSassin:**  yay :)   
**BOAM:**  so i've decided to adopt this boye and he is my spider son   
**porker:**  tony wouldn't like that but i'm down for giving the old man a heart attack   
**cawcaw**   _is online_    
**cawcaw:**  speaking of heart attacks   
**cawcaw:**  fuckin t'challa did a photo   
shoot in wakanda   
**cawcaw:**  and sent me some of the final edits   
**cawcaw:**  wakandangod.jpg  
**cawcaw:**  panthergodbewithme.jpg  
**cawcaw:**  shirtlesstchalla.jpg   
**cawcaw:**  tchalladrinkingwine.jpg   
**BOAM:**  i'm a huge raging lesbian but that is a fine man   
**porker:**  my bi instincts are telling me to go run and hide away from how hot he is   
**ASSassin:** _@_ **purrfect**  teach me   
**purrfect**   _is online_    
**purrfect:**  Samuel, you told me you would not show the others.   
**cawcaw:**  are you pouting   
**purrfect:**  No.   
**porker:**  shuri says he is!!!   
**purrfect:**  Fucking traitor.   
**BOAM:**  such foul language for a king   
**purrfect:**  I am a prince.   
**porker:**  omg   
**cawcaw:**  t'challa you cannot just send those photos to people man   
**purrfect:**  They are appropriate for all ages, no?   
**BOAM:**  oh they are   
**BOAM:**  but most of the gay men in this chat (aka everyone) will probably be popping boners   
**purrfect:**  Then that is their fault? I am not ashamed of my body.   
**pussy:**  we're not saying you are man   
**pussy:**  but damn i'm gonna use those photos for later   
**missster:**  EDDIE   
**missster:**  there are children here   
**porker:**  i'm a consenting adult   
**ASSassin:**  ohhhh   
**missster:**  wade no   
**BOAM:**  i'm crying y'all are so fucked up   
**purrfect:**  I am very much confused.   
**cawcaw:**  eddie's gonna jack off to your photos later, loki is very much afraid of tainting peter and peter is basically saying "hey i'm not a kid i'm 16 whole years old"  
**missster:**  that's basically it yeah   
**purrfect:**  Oh.   
**purrfect:**  Can Edward do that without my permission?   
**missster:**  actually that probably adds to it so   
**pussy:**  being called out by my own best friend smh   
**porker:**  this is intense

—

private chat   
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]

_ Thursday, 8:34 PM _

**cawcaw:**  don't you dare   
**pussy:**  don't i dare what?   
**cawcaw:**  i know what you're doing brock   
**cawcaw:**  it won't work   
**pussy:**  what ever do you mean falcon   
**cawcaw:**  fuck off   
**pussy:**  i love you too

—

JARVIS transcript

_ Thursday, 8:47 PM _

"Doll, everythin's gonna be fine. Bruce is a tough dude."   
( _shuffling_ ) "I know, I'm just- I can't believe the one night we weren't there it happened-"   
"You couldn't help it, Tony. No one could."   
"That doesn't give me a lot of confidence, Stephen."   
"Love, we're going to help him. Everyone will."   
"I don't want Bruce to hang around Thor."   
"Is that why you punched him?"   
"The fucker deserved it. He shouldn't even be allowed in the same room as Bruce, never mind his  _second_  emergency contact."   
( _silence_ )   
"'s a little far fetched doll."   
"I don't care. If it hadn't been for Thor punching that stupid dick of a father, Bruce wouldn't be here, fighting for his life."   
"Darlin' maybe you should rest. You look as though you haven't slept in days."   
"No. Bruce is more important."   
"Than your own basic needs? Don't be stupid, Tones. If Bruce could hear you now, he'd punch you right in the face-"   
"And we all know what a good right hook he has if that punch to Ross showed anything."   
( _pause_ ) "Maybe, but you better wake me up the minute he's out of his operation."   
"Of course doll. Now go to sleep."   
"Uh- Tony, is your phone listening to us?"   
( _slurred_ ) "'s just JARVIS, 's okay."   
"We love you, darlin'."

—

the odinsons   
Hela Odinson [ **numerouno** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]

_ Thursday, 8:54 PM _

**lordofthunder**   _is online_  
**lordofthunder:**  bruce is in surgery now   
**lordofthunder:**  and tony punched me in the face   
**missster:**  PWHAHEHWKW  
**numerouno:**  what did you do now   
**lordofthunder:**  i was already at the hospital! i didn't do anything   
**numerouno:**  i find that hard to believe   
**illuminati**   _is online_    
**illuminati:**  the lot of you need to be quiet, I'm trying to work on a serious case   
**lordofthunder:**  is it the case against mr banner?   
**illuminati:**  I told you Thor, we can't build a case unless Bruce gives us full consent and cooperation   
**lordofthunder:**  sigh   
**lordofthunder:**  what else can i do other than wait?   
**numerouno:**  get punched by the stark kid again but get someone to film it for me   
**lordofthunder:**  demoness   
**numerouno:**  i will not deny your claim  
**missster:**  in other news, sam is getting super pissed at eddie  
**missster:**  because eddie's gonna jack off to t'challa   
**lordofthunder:**  what?   
**missster:**  you read correctly thot   
**lordofthunder:**  i made a grave mistake introducing you to my friends   
**missster:**  yes you did

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Thursday, 9:09 PM _

**porker:**  so um   
**porker:**  idk why i was added to this chat lmao   
**pussy:**  well originally it was to throw clint a birthday party seeing as his birthday is tomorrow but thor says it's on hold for unknown reasons   
**porker:**  and i was invited?   
**missster:**  yeah, wade invited you   
**porker:**  aw thanks wade   
**ASSassin:**  i know, i'm a saint  
**BOAM:**  so i'm very homosexual   
**scaryspider** _is online_    
**scaryspider:**  what did she do now   
**BOAM:**  she's on my lap nat  
**BOAM:**  asleep  
**scaryspider:**  you're-   
**scaryspider:**  you're with her right now?   
**BOAM:**  well yeah  
**BOAM:**  unlike you, i'm not as entirely useless as some people say i am   
**BOAM:**  if i like someone i'll tell them  
**scaryspider:**  that was an entirely unnecessary jab  
**porker:**  ms romanov you have a crush on someone?   
**porker:**  OH   
**porker:**  can i help you confess???   
**scaryspider:**  kid slow down   
**scaryspider:**  i don't have a crush on anyone   
**porker:**  is it the aforementioned clint?   
**witchy**   _is online_    
**witchy:**  HA   
**witchy:**  natasha romanov, slobbering over clint barton, resident fan leader of pietro maximoff?   
**witchy:**  you humour me child   
**porker:**  omg it's wanda maximoff   
**porker:**  omgomgomg um   
**porker:**  hi   
**porker:**  i'm peter   
**porker:**  i just wanna say  
**porker:**  your work in the psychology department is absolutely amazing   
**porker:**  and i would LOVE it if i could work with you on a project   
**witchy:**  ah-  
**scaryspider:**  slow down kid   
**scaryspider:**  she doesn't speak fluent english just yet   
**scaryspider:**  give her a second   
**witchy:**  of course you can peter   
**witchy:**  i'd be honoured   
**witchy:**  your experiments in combined science are breathtaking   
**witchy:**  i'm a huge fan of your work   
**porker:**  skdnel i'm sorry ms romanov   
**porker:**  i didn't realise   
**scaryspider:**  s fine kid don't apologise to me   
**witchy:**  also nat thank you for pointing out my bilingual-ism   
**scaryspider:**  that is not a word   
**witchy:**  it is to me   
**purrfect:**  May I interject for a moment?   
**scaryspider:**  go for it   
**purrfect:**  Whom here speaks more than one language?   
**scaryspider:**  i do   
**witchy:**  yeppp   
**witchy:**  (pietro too)   
**scaryspider:**  clint can sign so i guess that counts   
**scaryspider:**  t'challa speaks wakandan   
**witchy:**  ooh ooh  
**witchy:**  bucky speaks italian and russian  
**pussy:**  i can speak semi-japanese  
**missster:**  all my family are from norway so we speak norwegian   
**cawcaw:**  i can hold a conversation in wakandan and speak fluent french   
**purrfect:**  You can speak Wakandan?   
**cawcaw:**  yeah   
**cawcaw:**  shuri taught me last year   
**porker:**  oo i can speak italian and so can tony!!   
**purrfect:**  So we have others that speak languages besides English. That is quite refreshing.   
**pussy:**  lmao so remember that dude that i totally beat up   
**scaryspider:**  goddamn it   
**pussy:**  he's seen me walking the street and now i'm being chased lol   
**witchy:**  um??   
**scaryspider:**  hold on, send me your location   
**pussy:**  gotcha gimme a minute

—

private chat   
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Friday, 12:00 AM _

**furious:**  happy birthday   
**hawkAYE:**  you're talking to me?   
**furious:**  i figured i could not be mad at you forever   
**furious:**  you have to make it up to me though   
**hawkAYE:**  of course   
**hawkAYE:**  anything   
**furious:**  i believe you are free after school has ended, yes?   
**hawkAYE:**  yeah?   
**furious:**  you will be coming with me to a restaurant   
**hawkAYE:**  is that an invite or a command?   
**furious:**  whichever will make you be there   
**hawkAYE:**  alright   
**hawkAYE:**  i'll be there   
**furious:**  it is a date :)

—

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Shuri [ **sneaky** ]

_ Friday, 12:28 AM _

**purrfect:**  The next time you teach Sam our language let me know.   
**sneaky:**  why? were you flustered? he told me he wanted to surprise you so i didn't say anything   
**purrfect:**  Shuri. Don't do it again.   
**sneaky:**  hah, my big bro is all soft and squishy for his ex boyfriend   
**purrfect:**  You have no say in the matter.   
**sneaky:**  anyway, mom wants us down for lunch   
**sneaky:**  i promise not to bring up your american boy toy if you give me your dessert   
**purrfect:**  Blackmail Shuri? Really?   
**sneaky:**  i'm calling mom  
**purrfect:**  Alright fine. You can have my dessert.   
**sneaky:**  hell yeah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeet 'm back at it again with another chapter ten days later whoop-  
> so because i feel guilty, i'll be posting another chapter again tomorrow :)


	8. dinner dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> porker: i'm in science now and without her purposefully blowing something up it's super boring   
> ASSassin: you want something to blow up? i'm you're gay  
> ASSassin: GUY***

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]

_ Friday, 2:38 AM _

**purrfect:**  Sam? Are you awake?   
 **cawcaw**   _is online_    
 **cawcaw:** barely   
 **cawcaw:**  whatdya need   
 **purrfect:**  I just wanted to talk to someone.   
 **cawcaw:**  somethin the matter?  
 **purrfect:**  Ah. I-  
 **purrfect:**  I'm not too sure.   
 **cawcaw:**  dude s okay   
 **cawcaw:**  what way can i help   
 **purrfect:**  I was actually thinking that maybe..if it wasn't too much trouble..you could explain your transition?   
 **cawcaw:**  what?   
 **purrfect:**  Well, I'm still touchy on the subject and I do not know of anyone else whom is transgender.   
 **purrfect:**  But if it is too personal you do not have to tell me anything.   
 **cawcaw:**  i mean, alrigh   
 **cawcaw:**  s not really personal or offending, m just surprised you'd asked   
 **cawcaw:**  seeing as you broke up with me because of it   
 **purrfect:**  That was not my intention.   
 **cawcaw:**  dude its chill  
 **cawcaw:**  i don't blame you   
 **cawcaw:**  anyway   
 **cawcaw:**  whatdya wanna know?   
 **purrfect:**  I guess everything? How you figured it out and how it made you feel? If that isn't too intruding of course.   
 **cawcaw:**  again dude, s chill   
 **cawcaw:**  well i first "figured" it out a year and a half ago  
 **cawcaw:**  i remember lookin in the mirror and being feeling physically sick by my appearance  
 **cawcaw:**  i told my ma who then told me maybe i wasn't who i thought i was, maybe i was a boy born in the wrong body   
 **purrfect:**  Your mother helped you?   
 **cawcaw:**  oh yeah definitely   
 **cawcaw:**  she's one supportive motherfucker and i love her   
 **cawcaw:**  anyway, she started experimenting with male pronouns for me, in secret of course, especially when you were visiting  
 **cawcaw:**  it made me feel really good, and much happier   
 **cawcaw:**  i then remember being super pumped at the idea of not having a thicker chest and having surgery   
 **cawcaw:**  was super happy for figuring out a slight bit of my identity   
 **cawcaw:**  but ig it all went down the drain when i told you   
 **purrfect:**  Ah.   
 **cawcaw:**  you were the second person i told besides my ma   
 **purrfect:**  I'm so sorry.   
 **cawcaw:**  i won't say s fine but whatever it's in the past   
 **cawcaw:**  and since then the name sam and male pronouns have made me super happy   
 **cawcaw:**  there's my life story   
 **cawcaw:**  that what you needed?   
 **purrfect:**  I really am sorry I treated you the way I did, I had no right to judge your change and demand you to stay away from me.   
 **cawcaw:**  dude it's cool   
 **cawcaw:**  i figured most responses wouldn't have been positive so it was only right you were the first   
 **cawcaw:**  anyway imma sleep now   
 **cawcaw:**  night

—

private chat   
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]

_ Friday, 2:45 AM _

**cawcaw:**  buck   
 **cawcaw:**  buck please tell me you can call   
 **ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  sam? somethin wrong?   
 **cawcaw:**  i need   
 **cawcaw:**  call please   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  's okay sammy  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  give me a minute

—

call transcript   
 **Bucky Barnes**  —>  **Sam Wilson**

_ Friday, 2:47 AM _

"Sammy? 'S wrong?"   
( _muffled sobbing_ ) "Buck-" ( _inhale_ ) "Buck he asked me how I felt. When I-" ( _pause_ ) "-when I figured I was trans."   
"Did that bastard say something again? Because I will kill him Sammy, you know I will."   
"No. No. He just wanted information and I'm being dramatic because I-" ( _sobbing_ ) "I don't even know why I'm crying. He really hurt me Buck."   
"I know he did Sam, but he won't do it again. He's promised me. He promised me his life that he will not hurt you again because he knows you don't deserve the shit he's put you through."   
"Remember when I called you up crying? The night I came out to you? How it was the same night he'd broken up with me?"   
"'s honestly a night I would rather forget Sammy, I didn't like hearing you like that."   
"I know..but remember how I kept saying I hated him and how I wanted to never see him again?"   
"Yeah I remember."   
"I lied. I don't know why I did but I could never bring myself to hate him-"   
"Because you loved him, Sammy. And that's okay."   
"Even though he hurt me the way I never want to be hurt again, I can't help but want him back. Because now he's just being considerate of my feelings and how he treated me in the past and it's stirring things and-and-" ( _heaving pants_ )   
"Sammy calm down, okay? 'S okay if you're having feelings, feelings are normal."   
"But not for the ex that hurt you so dearly and have scarred you from dating."   
"I know man, believe me I know. But 's okay, alright? 'M gonna be here to help you through it, because I'm your best friend and I've said it once and I'll say it a thousand more times: no one will hurt you again."   
"Buck- Buck can I please, please, please get a hug?"   
"'M on my way Sammy. Will you be okay if I hang up for a minute to tell my mom where 'm goin'?"   
"Yeah..tell Ash and Fran I love them and I'll come visit them soon."   
"Anythin' for you Sammy. I'll be there soon."

—

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]

_ Friday, 2:56 AM _

**purrfect:**  I never meant to hurt you, Sam.   
 **purrfect:**  I just needed time, and the way I pushed you away will never be alright.   
 **purrfect:**  I deserve you to hate me, and I am frankly surprised you don't.   
 **purrfect:**  But please, never think that I don't regret hurting you the way I did.   
 **purrfect:**  Because it haunts my sleep at night, and all I can ever think about is the hurt look on your face.   
 **purrfect:**  I never want to see that look again, and I will personally make sure no one ever sees it again.   
 **purrfect:**  Goodnight Samuel.   
 **purrfect:**  I love you.   
 **purrfect**   _deleted one message_

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Friday, 6:02 AM _

**porker:**  what's up fuckers   
 **missster:**  why're you on my phone   
 **porker:**  because fuck you that's why   
 **ASSassin** _is online_    
 **ASSassin:**  okay but why the FUCK are y'all awake   
 **porker:**  lmao i never sleep   
 **ASSassin:**  you still look good   
 **ASSassin** _deleted one message_    
 **ASSassin:**  it's really not the time to be up, go back to bed you heathens  
 **BOAM**   _is online_    
 **BOAM:**  good morning you bitchy white men   
 **BOAM:**  and my darling angel loki   
 **missster:**  let me guess   
 **missster:**  you got laid?   
 **BOAM:**  oh ya   
 **BOAM:**  hardcore   
 **porker:**  good for you ms danvers!!   
 **BOAM:**  i love him and i would die for him   
 **BOAM:**  and i don't say that a lot   
 **porker:**  i'm honoured!!!   
 **ASSassin:**  yeah no fuck this it's too early   
 **ASSassin**   _is offline_    
 **ilostsevenpounds** _is online_  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  wow hospitals are shit for signal and wifi damn   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  anyway my beautiful assholes   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  minus you carol i love you   
 **BOAM:**  i'm flattered buckaroo   
 **playboy** _is online_    
 **playboy:**  that is MY nickname you heathen   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  's heathen just the nickname for everyone around here   
 **playboy:**  yes   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  ANYWAY  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  we should probably update you on some things   
 **BOAM:**  is everyone alright?   
 **playboy:**  bruce had to take a trip to the hospital yesterday because of some issues with his dad   
 **playboy:**  he'll be there for awhile   
 **BOAM:**  oh my god   
 **playboy:**  and to make matters worse, thor is here and everywhere the fucker goes the lights flicker   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  very weird   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  's like he's a thunder god or smth  
 **porker:**  but would it be thunder if it involved light? wouldn't he be a lightning god?   
 **missster:**  please stop   
 **missster:**  you're as bad as wade   
 **porker:**  i take that is very insulting   
 **ASSassin**   _is online_    
 **ASSassin:**  i am a fucking delight   
 **ASSassin**   _is offline_    
 **playboy:**  anyway  
 **playboy:**  bruce is in hospital, party isn't back on until he's free to leave   
 **playboy:**  oh and   
 **playboy**   _added_   **hawkAYE**   _to the chat_    
 **playboy:**  happy birthday clint   
 **BOAM:**  habby pirthday   
 **porker:**  happy birthday hawkeye!!!!!   
 **hawkAYE** _is online_    
 **hawkAYE:**  you guys :')   
 **hawkAYE:**  quick question though   
 **hawkAYE:**  why the fuck was i kicked from the chat?   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  we were plannin somethin   
 **pussy**   _is online_    
 **pussy:**  i hate you all   
 **hawkAYE:**  that's not very nice   
 **pussy:**  just  
 **pussy:**  go back to sleep   
 **scaryspider** _is online_    
 **scaryspider:**  glad to know clint's been added back   
 **scaryspider:**  also fuckface we're going to a cafe for your breakfast so be ready   
 **hawkAYE:**  aw man   
 **hawkAYE:**  y'all are the best   
 **hawkAYE:**  got myself a date for tonight, café breakfast for the morning   
 **hawkAYE:**  it's a pretty good day   
 **porker:**  you have a date?   
 **missster:**  please tell me it's who i think it is  
 **hawkAYE:**  whoop look at the time gotta go chickens xoxo  
 **hawkAYE** _is offline_    
 **playboy:**  nat   
 **scaryspider:**  yeah i know, find out who it is   
 **scaryspider**   _is offline_

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Friday, 6:13 AM _

**playboy:** steveandstephencuddling.jpg  
 **playboy:**  buckybeingsoft.jpg   
 **playboy:**  hairbraids.jpg  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  doll when the fuck did you take those   
 **playboy:**  steve and stephen were sleeping in the hospital chairs and they looked so good   
 **playboy:**  and i took the photos of you when you were interested in the hickeys littering steve's stomach   
 **playboy:**  (i don't blame you)   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  my sneaky genius  
 **capn**   _is online_    
 **capn:**  I don't know if I like those photos   
 **playboy:**  oh,  
 **playboy:**  i'm sorry steve i'll delete them   
 **capn:**  No, no   
 **capn:**  It's because we're all not in them   
 **woosh**   _is online_    
 **woosh:**  I agree. We should all take photos together, as to not let the others feel left out.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  you're all the most supportive little shits and i love you  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  now c'mere i wanna take photos

—

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Friday, 8:31 AM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_  
 **cawcaw:**  screenshot.jpg   
 **witchy** _is online_  
 **witchy:**  oh my god   
 **witchy:**  he said all that?   
 **cawcaw:**  how the fuck am i supposed to reply   
 **cawcaw:**  bucky i know you're probably fucking your boyfriend (whoever he is) right now but i would appreciate the help   
 **ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  actually i'm in school so fuck you   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  but remember what i said last night   
 **cawcaw:**  that doesn't help answer my question   
 **witchy:**  how did those messages make you feel sam?   
 **cawcaw:**  i  
 **cawcaw:**  i don't know   
 **cawcaw:**  they made me feel weird   
 **witchy:**  and that's okay   
 **witchy:**  you don't even have to reply if you don't want to   
 **witchy:**  i'm sure t'challa won't be offended   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  what we're trying to say is think about the messages for awhile, and see what response you come up with   
 **witchy:**  exactly  
 **cawcaw:**  you're not help, the lot of you   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  we try ;)

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Friday, 10:12 AM _

**porker**   _is online_    
 **porker:**  i miss shuri so much omg   
 **ASSassin**   _is online_    
 **ASSassin:**  is there a reason for that?  
 **porker:**  i'm in science now and without her purposefully blowing something up it's super boring   
 **ASSassin:**  you want something to blow up? i'm you're gay  
 **ASSassin:**  GUY***   
 **porker:**  sksnek thanks wade   
 **porker:**  it's probably best if you don't though   
 **alcoholic**   _is online_    
 **alcoholic:**  fuck i'm late for school   
 **ASSassin:**  it's better to just not come   
 **porker:**  i would agree but it's like your gpa and attendance so   
 **missster**   _is online_    
 **missster:**  if it isn't the woman of the hour   
 **alcoholic:**  she told you didn't she   
 **missster:**  she tells me everything val  
 **missster:**  everything.   
 **alcoholic:**  pronouns?   
 **missster:**  they/them   
 **alcoholic:**  thank you :)  
 **alcoholic:**  well fuck you your majesty, i would tell you details but some things are better left to the imagination  
 **porker:**  i am but an innocent being in all of this   
 **ASSassin:**  cover the child's eyes!!   
 **porker:**  i could drop kick you without losing a single breath   
 **ASSassin:**  kinky ;)   
 **alcoholic:**  should i be concerned that there is a child in the chat full of adults   
 **porker:**  I AM 16  
 **porker:**  A WHOLE 16 YEARS OLD   
 **porker:**  I AM NOT A CHILD   
 **alcoholic:**  alright chill little dude   
 **alcoholic:**  anyway, i've gotta get a shower and dressed before i even so much as think about leaving the house   
 **missster:**  if you don't show up to bio i'm killing myself   
 **alcoholic:**  don't fret your little head, my dear goose, i will be there soon   
 **alcoholic**   _is offline_    
 **missster:**  i hate her when she's gotten laid

—

call transcript   
 **T'Challa**  —>  **Sam Wilson**

_ Friday, 11:23 AM _

"Sam?"   
"What's up?"   
"I am just boarding the plane, and I will arrive in New York in around five hours."   
"Yeah yeah, I got it. I'm just signing some medical forms and I'll be able to leave the hospital. Don't worry, I'm gonna be there for when you land."   
"Thank you for doing this, Sam. You really didn't have to."  
"I've got nothing better to do so.."   
"Ah. Well thank you nonetheless. I shall see you shortly."

—

private chat   
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Friday, 1:45 PM _

**furious:**  selfiewiththeboys.jpg  
 **furious:**  the members of my team say happy birthday   
 **hawkAYE:**  thank you piet  
 **hawkAYE:**  that's very nice of them   
 **hawkAYE:**  birthdayboy.jpg  
 **furious:**  we are still on for dinner, yes?   
 **hawkAYE:**  you bet   
 **hawkAYE:**  d'you want me to take you home so you can change?   
 **furious:**  that is okay, eddie says he will take me home   
 **furious:**  i suggest you start paying attention to  
your lecture,   
 **furious:**  i do not want to be the reason you miss some vital information   
 **hawkAYE:**  i'll message you later?   
 **furious:**  of course

—

let's go lesbians   
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]

_ Friday, 2:15 PM _

**alcoholic**   _kicked_   **BOAM**   _from the chat_    
 **alcoholic:**  lesbians + bisexual + asexual   
 **alcoholic:**  i have a problem  
 **scaryspider**   _is online_    
 **witchy**   _is online_    
 **scaryspider:**  shoot   
 **witchy:**  something wrong val?   
 **alcoholic:**  i'm having a little crisis   
 **missster** _is online_    
 **missster:**  do not start without me   
 **missster:** DO NOT START WITHOUT ME   
 **alcoholic:**  so carol and i hung out last night   
 **witchy:**  you two boned   
 **scaryspider:**  yeah   
 **alcoholic:**  shush  
 **alcoholic:**  but yes  
 **alcoholic:**  and i'm just stressing because did it mean something???? did it not??? i don't know what to do   
 **scaryspider:**  are lesbians always this clueless?   
 **witchy:**  it appears so moja ljubav  
 **missster:**  val,,,you're telling me,,,you and carol hooked up,,,,and now you think,,,,it meant nothing,,,,  
 **alcoholic:**  yes exactly that   
 **missster:**  you useless lesbian   
 **missster:**  right, wanda, nat, please help me with her   
 **scaryspider:**  val i'm 234% positive that carol likes you and that last night was in fact her way of telling you   
 **witchy:**  yeah carol is pretty repressed in the emotions department   
 **alcoholic:**  she's just really cute and i'm totally afraid i'm gonna fuck it up   
 **missster:**  listen to me closely val   
 **missster:**  if there's one person who cares about you more than thor, it's carol   
 **missster:**  so go message her  
 **missster:**  go get your woman   
 **missster:**  and don't question the littlest things   
 **alcoholic:**  huh   
 **alcoholic:**  thanks lackey   
 **alcoholic**   _is offline_    
 **scaryspider:**  smh lesbians   
 **witchy:**  right?   
 **missster:**  ,,,  
 **missster:**  for god sake   
 **scaryspider** _deleted thirty-three messages_    
 **witchy**   _added_   **BOAM**   _to the chat_

—

private chat   
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Friday, 4:55 PM _

**hawkAYE:**  piet? you ready?   
 **furious** _is online_    
 **furious:**  yes  
 **furious:**  i shall see you soon?   
 **hawkAYE:**  of course :)

—

private chat   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]

_ Friday, 5:04 PM _

**purrfect:**  Bucky.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  yessum   
 **purrfect:**  Bucky he's actually here. He's waiting at my gate.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  that's good man   
 **purrfect:**  He looks great..happy.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  challa?   
 **purrfect:**  Yes?   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  comfort him, he's going through a rough time   
 **purrfect:**  I will try.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  atta boy

—

private chat   
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Friday, 5:16 PM _

**furious:**  sestro he is so zgodan   
 **witchy:**  you're in deep brother   
 **furious:**  shut up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so because sokovia isn't a real place therefore does not have a language, i decided to use croatian as their native tongue :)  
> moja ljubav = my love  
> sestro = sister  
> zgodan = handsome


	9. zoo trips

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> purrfect is online   
> purrfect: Samuel Wilson, how dare you.   
> pussy: hey chaaaa   
> pussy: i thinj horhe really hotttt  
> pussy: id bititm you so hards

the bb  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]

_ Friday, 5:18 PM _

**cawcaw**   _is online_    
 **cawcaw:**  selfiewiththeprince.jpg   
 **cawcaw:**  cha says hi   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  take it everythin's goin well?  
 **cawcaw:**  shut up   
 **witchy** _is online_    
 **witchy:**  did you think about what the messages could mean? how it made you feel?   
 **cawcaw:**  no   
 **cawcaw:**  i was too busy trying to will bile back down my throat   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  you okay?   
 **cawcaw:**  typical anxiety but whatev   
 **cawcaw:**  gotta go   
 **cawcaw:**  we're gonna go get some burgers   
 **cawcaw:**  ttyl  
 **cawcaw**   _is offline_    
 **witchy:**  sigh   
 **witchy:**  goddamn fucking gays. just get together already   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  wanda wrong chat   
 **witchy**   _deleted one message_    
 **ilostsevenpounds**   _deleted one message_

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Friday, 5:21 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  selfiewiththeprince.jpg  
 **playboy** _is online_    
 **playboy:**  words cannot describe how much i want them to get together   
 **scaryspider** _is online_    
 **scaryspider:**  me fucking too

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Friday, 6:02 PM _

**hawkAYE**   _is online_    
 **hawkAYE:**  natasha romanov what the fuck are you doing here   
 **scaryspider** _is online_    
 **scaryspider:**  what are you talking about? i'm at home   
 **woosh** _is online_    
 **woosh:**  Is everything alright?   
 **hawkAYE:**  sneakyassassin.jpg   
 **scaryspider:**  that isn't me clint smh   
 **scaryspider:**  i'm with wanda   
 **hawkAYE:**  oh?   
 **hawkAYE:**  wandahidingbehindamenu.jpg  
 **woosh:**  Clint, aren't you on a date right now?   
 **hawkAYE:**  i'm supposed to be yeah   
 **hawkAYE:**  until i realised nat and wanda in caps over pietro's shoulder   
 **playboy**   _is online_    
 **playboy:**  so it WAS pietro   
 **hawkAYE:**  i never denied it?   
 **woosh:**  No, but you did try to avoid the question by going offline.   
 **scaryspider:**  clint that is outrageous   
 **scaryspider:**  i am at home with wanda and we are watching merlin   
 **scaryspider:**  how dare you throw accusations like this at us   
 **woosh:**  Hold on, isn't it rude to be occupied by your phone whilst on a date?   
 **hawkAYE:**  he's in the restroom

—

private chat   
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]   
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Friday, 6:12 PM _

**furious:**  wanda   
 **furious:**  wanda he looks so attractive   
 **witchy** _is online_    
 **witchy:**  doesn't he?   
 **furious:**  yeah   
 **furious:**  wait  
 **furious:**  how'd you know that?   
 **witchy:**  i uh   
 **witchy:**  i assume he does?   
 **furious:**  you're here are you not?   
 **witchy:**  sigh yeah i am   
 **furious:**  sister.   
 **witchy:**  i'm just trying to make sure he doesn't hurt that tower of fragile pride you have   
 **furious:**  i do not have a pride tower   
 **witchy:**  and i'm not into girls   
 **furious:**  this is exactly why i do not speak to you about my romantic life   
 **witchy:**  you tell me everything   
 **furious:**  i did not tell you about my fascination with eddie though   
 **witchy:**  no, you didn't   
 **witchy:**  but i find out eventually   
 **witchy:**  piet you need to get back or clint's gonna get anxious   
 **furious:**  shut up i am coming

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Friday, 8:09 PM _

**Banner**   _is online_    
 **Banner:**  Hey guys.   
 **alcoholic**   _is online_    
 **alcoholic:**  BRUCE   
 **illuminati** _is online_    
 **illuminati:**  Bruce are you okay?   
 **Banner:**  I'm okay. In a bit of pain, but okay.   
 **BOAM**   _is online_    
 **lordofthunder** _is online_    
 **BOAM:**  thank god   
 **Banner:**  Thank you for your concerns, it really made my day.   
 **Banner:**  Also,  _@_ **hawkAYE**  , happy birthday. I'm sorry that we couldn't do a surprise for you because of me.   
 **lordofthunder:**  we didn't stop the plans because of you   
 **lordofthunder:**  we needed more time to plan it   
 **lordofthunder:**  don't ever think it was your fault   
 **playboy**   _is online_    
 **Banner:**  Thank you Thor..that's very nice of you.   
 **playboy:**  i have an idea   
 **playboy:**  instead of having a party for clint, we could all take a trip somewhere tomorrow.  
 **playboy:**  i'm thinking,,,the zoo?   
 **playboy:**  i'll pay, of course   
 **ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
 **capn**   _is online_    
 **woosh**   _is online_    
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  don't you dare   
 **capn:**  Love, I will personally fight you  
 **woosh:**  I believe we are all opposed to this idea, Tony.

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Friday, 8:17 PM _

**playboy:**  why are you all ganging up on me,,,  
 **capn:**  Tony it's a nice offer but..  
 **woosh:**  It's too much.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  doll i love you but you really need to calm down with trying to make everyone happy   
 **playboy:**  but i want everyone to be happy   
 **playboy:**  and the only way i know how is through money   
 **capn:**  You don't need to, love. We love you, and you make us happy  
 **woosh:**  Darling, I definitely speak for all of us when I say you are the best thing that has happened to us. We would not have you any other way.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  darl, i would literally kill people for you, you don't have to pay for us all to go to the zoo  
 **playboy:**  ,,can i pay for you three at least?   
 **woosh:**  My dears, I do believe this is the closest we can get.   
 **capn:**  Fine, Tony. If you want to pay for us three, we'll let you  
 **capn:**  But only if we can buy you things too without you thinking that you have to keep up the cycle   
 **playboy:**  rogers, you aren't making sense   
 **capn:**  I know, I'sn sorry  
 **capn:**  Imm really tired  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  stevie go to sleep  
 **capn:**  Okey  
 **capn:**  Goodnight I love you   
 **capn**   _is offline_    
 **playboy:**  love you too   
 **woosh:**  As do Bucky and I.

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Friday, 8:24 PM _

**porker**   _is online_    
 **porker:**  omg the zoo?? i'd love to go to the zoo   
 **ASSassin**   _is online_    
 **pussy**   _is online_    
 **missster**   _is online_    
 **Banner:**  Tony I don't think it's a good idea for me to go to the zoo.   
 **playboy:**  nonsense brucie   
 **playboy:**  you just need to get out and see the birds   
 **cawcaw**   _is online_    
 **cawcaw:**  you called   
 **cawcaw:**  oh shit never mind   
 **playboy:**  first of all, i will never let you live this down   
 **playboy:**  second of all, i've bought everyone in the chat tickets so we'll all meet up at 9 am sharp   
 **lordofthunder:**  i'm busy tomorrow, sorry   
 **playboy:**  you weren't invited anyway but go off   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  tones :/   
 **Banner:**  Anthony Edward Stark.   
 **Banner:**  Do not - I repeat myself, do not - make me contact Rhodes.   
 **playboy:**  how dare you bring my honey bear into this   
 **playboy:**  how could you betray me like this brucie, he's the reason you got hurt in the first place   
 **Banner:**  You are unbelievable sometimes Tony.   
 **lordofthunder:**  it is alright, bruce. he is correct. if you will excuse me, i have something to do.   
 **lordofthunder** _is offline_    
 **missster:**  oh jesus now he's going to bother me   
 **missster:**  but i'm down for the zoo and so is my entourage   
 **cawcaw:**  cha says he's cool with it too   
 **cawcaw:**  maybe he can see his long lost family

—

ironstuckystrange   
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Friday, 8:29 PM _

**woosh:**  Tony.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  doll what did we just say   
 **playboy:**  i have no self restraint   
 **playboy:**  but hey, now everyone's happy :)   
 **woosh:**  Sigh.

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Friday, 8:32 PM _

**purrfect**   _is online_    
 **purrfect:**  Samuel Wilson, how dare you.   
 **pussy:**  hey chaaaa   
 **pussy:**  i thinj horhe really hotttt  
 **pussy:**  id bititm you so hards   
 **purrfect:**  Thank you?  
 **missster:** i apologise, he's high   
 **cawcaw:**  buck can i come over   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  yeah sammy, doors unlocked   
 **cawcaw**   _is offline_    
 **pussy:**  wanna lick ur absssss  
 **purrfect:**  I am mildly uncomfortable.   
 **missster:**  i'm trying to get the phone from him   
 **missster:**  little fucker's been spending too much time with clint

—

private chat   
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]

_ Friday, 8:51 PM _

**Banner:**  Thor? I'm sorry for how Tony is acting. He's just riled up.   
 **Banner:**  I don't blame you for what happened.   
 **Banner:**  And you shouldn't blame yourself either.   
 **Banner:**  Please come tomorrow?

—

private chat  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]

_ Friday, 10:23 PM _

**hawkAYE:**  thank you for dinner piet  
 **hawkAYE:**  normally i don't celebrate my birthday, but you definitely made me think i should celebrate it every year   
 **furious**   _is online_    
 **furious:**  it is no problem clint :)  
 **furious:**  i had fun   
 **hawkAYE:**  me too   
 **hawkAYE:**  we should do this again some time   
 **furious:**  yeah?   
 **hawkAYE:**  yeah :)

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Saturday, 12:01 AM _

**ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  sam is talking my ear off about t'challa   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  i quite literally think i'm going to cut my ears off   
 **witchy**   _is online_  
 **witchy:**  i can't be that bad, can it?   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  stoptalkingabouthim.mp3  
 **scaryspider**   _is online_    
 **scaryspider:**  "he's so stupidly perfect buck. he bought me three burgers. THREE!!"   
 **scaryspider:**  i haven't laughed this much since clint did the walk of shame   
 **witchy:**  "uh-huh, sure sammy. mhm. yeah. okay."   
 **witchy:**  bucky you're so done sijfkel   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  i could be with my man right now but nooooo his jealous ass has to come to me smh   
 **scaryspider:**  i would save you, but where's the fun in that   
 **playboy**   _is online_    
 **playboy:**  fuckin thor odinson can suck my dick  
 **witchy:**  i thought that was steve's job but okay   
 **playboy:**  stupid fuckin-  
 **playboy:**  blonde pretty boy  
 **playboy:**  fuckin peter quill lookin ass   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  skskslsksje  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  what happened?   
 **playboy:**  brucie invited him to the zoo tomorrow and he's coming   
 **witchy:**  he did not  
 **playboy:**  right?   
 **playboy:**  AND bruce threatened me with my honey bear again :/   
 **scaryspider:**  maybe it's because you're being dramatic?   
 **playboy:**  natasha!   
 **playboy:**  i am offended.   
 **scaryspider:**  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  oh fuck sam's calling brock   
 **witchy:**  keep us updated!!!

—

call transcript   
 **Sam Wilson**   _— >_  **Eddie Brock**

_ Saturday, 12:17 AM _

"The fuck-"   
"You are seriously pushing it Brock."   
"Wha-" ( _shuffling_ ) "Sam? What the fuck are you goin' on about?"   
"Calling T'Challa by a nickname only I get to call him? Nice try."   
"Dude what-" ( _pause, fumbling_ ) "You mean in the chat? Dude I was as high as a kite man. I don't even remember putting that."   
( _far away_ ) "Sam just let the man sleep-"   
"Shut up Bucky. Now listen here you deranged little shit, T'Challa is not yours to wank over yeah? So stop flirting with him, stop addressing him in any sexual manner or I swear-"   
"Sam. Samuel. Dude. You don't gotta worry man-" ( _sighing_ ) "If you're so worked up over it then I won't. And besides, my flirting was harmless, no actual intention."  
( _long pause_ ) "You promise?"   
"Yeah man. I wouldn't do that to you."   
"I'm sorry Ed- I'm just- I don't know why I did any of this."   
"Man I get it, you're hung up on your ex. 'S fine. Sorry I overstepped. Now are you done, cause I wanna go back to sleep?"   
"Hu-Yeah. Yeah. Again, I'm sorry."   
"No problemo man."

—

FIGHT CLUB   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Sam Wilson [ **cawcaw** ]  
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Pietro Maximoff [ **furious** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Steve Rogers [ **capn** ]  
Thor Odinson [ **lordofthunder** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Heimdall Odinson [ **illuminati** ]  
Stephen Strange [ **woosh** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]  
Carol Danvers [ **BOAM** ]  
Eddie Brock [ **pussy** ]  
Wade Wilson [ **ASSassin** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Saturday, 8:15 AM _

**lordofthunder**   _is online_    
 **lordofthunder:**  who needs a ride? i've got four open spots   
 **alcoholic**   _is online_    
 **alcoholic:**  carol and i pls   
 **hawkAYE**   _is online_    
 **hawkAYE:**  pietro and i are good, goin on my motorcycle   
 **witchy**   _is online_    
 **witchy:**  you better keep my brother safe barton   
 **hawkAYE:**  i wouldn't dream otherwise wanda   
 **Banner**   _is online_    
 **Banner:**  Would it be too much trouble for me to join too?   
 **Banner:**  Tony is riding with Steve and I would prefer not to see that.   
 **lordofthunder:**  of course you can   
 **missster**   _is online_    
 **missster:**  your car is full thot   
 **lordofthunder:**  no? i still have one more seat left   
 **missster:**  not anymore   
 **BOAM**   _is online_    
 **BOAM:**  hecc yeah lokes   
 **purrfect**   _is online_    
 **purrfect:**  I am assuming everyone has rides now?   
 **cawcaw**   _is online_    
 **cawcaw:**  fuck i fell asleep at bucky's sjrhekrb   
 **cawcaw:**  also i don't, buck's going with steve and tony   
 **purrfect:**  That's alright, I'll come pick you up. Be ready in ten minutes.   
 **purrfect**   _is offline_    
 **cawcaw:**  what-  
 **ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  alright lesbians lets go

—

private chat   
Loki Laufeyson [ **missster** ]  
Valkyrie [ **alcoholic** ]

_ Saturday, 10:28 AM _

**missster:**  you're seeing this too right?   
 **alcoholic:**  you mean the lovestruck puppy look on thor's face? yeah i'm seeing it   
 **missster:**  would it be too mean if i became overly interested in bruce to gouge his reaction?   
 **alcoholic:**  probably   
 **alcoholic:**  but it's for science right?   
 **missster:**  yeah, for science

—

private chat   
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]  
Peter Parker [ **porker** ]

_ Saturday, 11:11 AM _

**porker:**  tony,,,  
 **porker:**  i just wanna let you know that i saw you kissing bucky earlier   
 **porker:**  nobody else saw  
 **porker:**  but i think it's a bit mean to be cheating on steve   
 **porker:**  i mean, you two have been dating for two years,,,  
 **playboy**   _is online_    
 **playboy:**  oh fuck   
 **playboy:**  peter it's not what you think   
 **porker:**  i like steve and i don't wanna see him hurt,,,  
 **porker:**  i just can't believe you did that to him,,,and with his best friend too??   
 **playboy:**  peter.   
 **porker:**  yeah?   
 **playboy:**  we're both in a poly relationship with two other people   
 **playboy:**  he knows because he's dating bucky too   
 **porker:**  he does? why haven't you told people?   
 **playboy:**  we weren't ready,,  
 **playboy:**  but it's not cheating. i would never, ever do that   
 **porker:**  i'm sorry for assuming, i just-   
 **porker:**  it's what i saw   
 **playboy:**  it's okay, peter   
 **playboy:**  but can you please not tell anyone yet? we're still not ready   
 **porker:**  oh? yeah yeah i can do that   
 **playboy:**  thank you  
 **porker:**  tony?   
 **porker:**  you did good, picking bucky and steve   
 **playboy:**  thank you?   
 **playboy:**  you do know there's another person right?   
 **porker:**  oh yeah i do   
 **porker:**  but i don't wanna push until you're ready to tell   
 **porker:**  that wouldn't be fair   
 **playboy:**  ,,,thank you peter   
 **porker:**  c:

—

operation black falcon   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]  
Natasha Romanov [ **scaryspider** ]  
Clint Barton [ **hawkAYE** ]  
Wanda Maximoff [ **witchy** ]  
Bruce Banner [ **Banner** ]  
Tony Stark [ **playboy** ]

_ Saturday, 1:02 PM _

**Banner:**  Not to be a desperate gay on main, but I want someone to look at me the way T'Challa looks at Sam.   
 **witchy**   _is online_    
 **witchy:**  you-  
 **witchy:**  you don't know?   
 **Banner:**  Hm? Know what?   
 **playboy**   _is online_    
 **ilostsevenpounds**   _is online_    
 **playboy:**  wanda now is not the time   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  did i just see clint and pietro making out behind the ice cream café   
 **witchy:**  what   
 **witchy:** _@_ **hawkAYE**  where the fuck is my brother   
 **scaryspider**   _is online_    
 **scaryspider:**  i can see them from the reptiles, they're not making out   
 **witchy:**  oh thank god   
 **scaryspider:**  pietro has a hickey on his neck though   
 **witchy:**  WHAT

—

private chat   
T'Challa [ **purrfect** ]   
Bucky Barnes [ **ilostsevenpounds** ]

_ Saturday, 1:37 PM _

**ilostsevenpounds:**  challa? where are you and sam   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  we're gonna meet up for lunch   
 **purrfect**   _is online_    
 **purrfect:**  We are at the aviary, we'll be right there.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  how's it goin   
 **purrfect:**  He seems very happy.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  and you?  
 **purrfect:**  I am...content. Seeing Sam happy makes me happy.   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  i would say get a room but that wouldn't apply to you would it   
 **purrfect:**  Ah. I suppose not.   
 **purrfect:**  Where shall we meet you?   
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  there's a cafe not too far away from you  
 **ilostsevenpounds:**  we'll all meet there   
 **purrfect:**  Very well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! it's been a hot minute since i last uploaded and for that i'm sorry! i had to study for my finals, and then after i just felt no motivation to upload! this chapter has been done since april but i never bothered to update. sorry!   
> i have no idea when i'll next update and i apologise in advance for when i do, please be patient! and thank you to the ones who are still here waiting and hopefully haven't forgotten about this little fic - y'all the real mvps!!!


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